Firstly, ask yourself what makes a sexual secret, says Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre. “For some couples, watching pornography together or individually is acceptable. For others, such behaviour isn’t. Talk to your partner about your sexual preferences and set your limits together.”

It’s also difficult to pinpoint specific signs that show he is keeping a sex secret from you, as people are capable of hiding things for many years, he says. But the following signs may suggest that he is guilty of doing so:

• He loses sexual interest in you. For example, he doesn’t feel like having sex as often or he has difficulty getting “it” up in bed.
• He shows signs of a mid-life crisis. This usually happens when men are in their late 30s and 40s. Signs include a sudden change in personality or daily routine and picking up new hobbies.
• If you strongly suspect your partner is keeping a sex secret from you, Dr Wang advises the following:
• Have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Remember to keep a cool head and express your disappointment calmly. Letting the situation escalate into an argument, or uttering threats and insults, will not get you anywhere.
• Stick to discussing the specific problem and focus on why the conflict needs to be resolved, such as your desire to keep your family intact if you are married. Do not bring up things in the past that may confuse the situation.
• Ask him if he is still acting out his sexual secret. This is important because you need to assess how remorseful he is and if he is willing to remedy the situation.
• If your partner flatly refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing, even if you have irrefutable proof, you may need to seek relationship counselling. Don’t let the problem fester for too long. It can lead to resentment, and strain your relationship and sex life - not to mention you risk getting an STD or even HIV from him, if he’s having sex with prostitutes.

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