TO me, most people are only good on a superficial level. Most will fight shy of finance and just disappear.

C is different. She is friendly, helpful, kind, polite and well-behaved. Her generosity earns my respect and trust.

C is a 47-year-old widow with two children studying in a private university. I’m 50 and have three school-going children. We got to know each other at a seminar and have kept in touch for two years. Once in a while, I would visit her at her office for a chit-chat.

Due to the economic downturn, my business was badly affected. I took some personal loans (both legal and illegal) and ended up paying a big amount in interest.

One day, I invited C for lunch and disclosed my financial situation to her. She gave me words of support and encouragement. To my surprise, she asked for my account number and the next day, a six-digit sum was credited to my account.

She then sent a text message asking me to settle my debts immediately, stop taking loans and to keep only one credit card. She also said her loan was interest-free and that I could pay her when I was able to.

I truly appreciated her help and swore that I would make an effort to return RM1,000 ($409) per month until the loan was fully settled – which I have done for the past six months.

Meanwhile I continued to contact and visit her. She was her normal cheerful self and treated me the usual way, as a friend. The subject of the loan was never once raised.

However, lately, I notice she has stopped calling me, unlike before, when she would check on my kids’ performance in school and how I was faring in my business.

Do you think C is upset and regrets helping me? I have never expressed my appreciation for her help because she would brush me aside whenever I tried to bring up the subject of the loan. I am confused by her action and need to clear my doubts.

In Debt

Response from Thelma:

YOU are very fortunate to have found such a good, true friend during your time of need. Even though you did not ask her directly for a loan, she simply offered her help without being patronising. Few of us would have helped an associate unconditionally and without expectations.

This lady is sincere, kind and honourable. Perhaps she has stopped calling you to spare you the awkwardness and embarrassment. Most people in debt are sensitive and reactive. She is allowing you time to sort out your financial problems and does not want to appear to be constantly reminding you that you are indebted to her. As you know, she brushes aside your thanks and gratitude all the time.

So do not think up all sorts of reasons for her behaviour. She cannot be regretting her offer of help since she doesn’t avoid you when you visit her at her office. Besides, you have been paying her back regularly. So do not get yourself into a knot when there are no complications or changes in the relationship.

Perhaps it is best to continue the friendship as before. Keep up with the calls, the visits and chit-chat. She probably values having a friend to talk to and share a little of her life with. Being a widow with grown up children, she might be a little lonely and appreciate this simple friendship.