I AM 22, an amiable, refined, working lady who believes in philanthropy. I’m brilliant and rational, and focused on many areas of my life, with love placed last. My biggest concern is my less-than-optimal health, but all is well for now.

A month ago, I met someone I truly admire. My heart tells me he is a refined, industrious, polite man who is compatible with me.

My mind tells me to really get to know him first – both the good and bad. Never before have I placed such effort on doing that. Since knowing him, I have begun to face life with much more gusto.

I am considering contacting him less often – only once per week – as we both are busy. Also, I don’t want to be a giddy teenager.

As we mainly communicate through text messages, I have told him I enjoy knowing him but have decided to be patient about things. He has told me he does not open up easily, but he’s slowly easing out from his shell.

We have not been out on any dates. Our SMS-es are mainly about him, me, our opinions, a bit of flirting and happy things.

Frankly, I think he is not very interested in me. Even if that is so, I will continue to keep in touch with him. I appreciate meeting someone like him, amongst thousands of other men.

Do you think I am wise or wasting my time?

Gracious Love

Response from Thelma:

PERHAPS you are too careful and rational for a 22-year-old! If you like someone, why confine your feelings to text messages once a week? Meet up, have drinks or share a meal. How would a guy know you are interested when you are so cool and detached?

If the guy is shy and has difficulty being open and exuberant, then he is probably insecure and fears rejection. He needs to be encouraged by your gusto and admiration of him. He should be pleased and flattered that you find him polite, refined and compatible. And why can’t you be occasionally giddy with love and passion when you are young, happy and excited about life?

When you feel attracted to someone, time is never wasted in the chase. Thinking too much, or trying too hard to be careful and wise could lead to disappointment. The poor fellow might retreat into his shy shell, on the wrong assumption that he must be too dull and boring for you. Putting tremendous effort on your part seems very limiting as you only allow text messages once a week. Suppressing your natural instinct and feelings will not help to fire love and mutual attraction.

Living is not about doing everything right. So we make some mistakes, have our share of pain and tears. Sometimes, we need to learn to relax and simply enjoy the flow of feelings. For a change, follow your heart, not the wisdom of your mind.

While you do not want to end up with the wrong guy, exploring the possibilities of love and romance can be charming and fun. If he is the perfect man for you, surely you would not want him to slip out of your life. So don’t be bashful – catch him if you can!