IT would seem that the high divorce rate in Terengganu is being blamed on body odour, humdrum sex and boring pyjamas.

One break-up, according to a report in The Star last week, was the result of a spouse smelling of fish crackers.

Like what happened to the old tried and tested excuses like infidelity and financial problems?

In a bid to help young newly-weds in the state, the local government plans to approach cosmetic firms to come up with “exotic and sensuous fragrances that can arouse sexual desire.”

Surely, fragrance companies don’t need a missive from the divorce-torn state to begin concocting seductive scents.

Surely, that’s what they’ve been doing all along. Just go to any perfume counter and you will see names like: Seduction, Allure, I’m Hot, and my personal favourite: I May Not Be Good-looking But I Sure Smell Nice.

Still, I have to question the ability of a perfume to arouse sexual desire.

Can you imagine if perfumes really worked that way?

The early morning commute to work would entail trains and buses chock block with freshly doused commuters in a highly aroused state.

People would become less productive as they become overcome with desire for just about every other idiot seated within sniffing distance of them. I can feel a violent sneezing attack coming on just thinking about it.

Overwhelming perfumes can also be a big turn-off.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a confined area like an elevator with a woman who has sprayed herself liberally with something called “Hey, I’m Wearing Perfume!” So if you’re trading the smell of fish crackers for an equally overpowering smell, you might not get the desired result.

Besides, when you’re getting amorous and feel like nibbling your partner’s neck, or whatever other parts you like to nibble on, the last thing you want is a mouthful of chemicals.

Personally, I prefer a man to smell like ... well, a man. I suspect most men probably prefer their women au naturel too.

Still, it makes you wonder why so many young people in Terengganu are complaining about body odour.

Bathing with your partner (one of the state government’s suggestions for a more exciting relationship) would overcome this and add a little spice to the relationship at the same time. But if sex is boring now, jumping into the shower with your spouse is surely only a short-term fix.

If all young couples with a lacklustre sex life were to suddenly discover the joys of showering together, there might be an increase in marital temperatures as well as water bills, but for how long?

Familiarity usually breeds contempt – and six months down the road, as you contemplate your prune-like, water-clogged skin, you might be feeling a tad bored with your daily water romps.

So I hope the Terengganu state government is planning to do a little more than tell troubled couples to go away and get wet.

As for divorcing someone because of their boring pyjamas, I’ve never heard such a lot of frantic piffle in my entire life.

What’s the world coming to if you can’t be comfortable in your own bed? If citing bad clothes were a valid reason for getting divorced, many of us wouldn’t stay married for any longer than a few months.

The way I see things, there are two main reasons why we go to bed: either to have sex or to sleep – or a combination of the two.

If you go to bed to sleep, boring pyjamas are just what you need. And if you go to bed to have sex, it’s usual, at some stage, to remove your pyjamas.

A crumpled piece of lingerie lying on the bedroom floor looks pretty much like a crumpled sarung at the foot of the bed.

It sounds to me as if some of these couples might have a communication problem. If your wife smells of ikan keropok, try telling her in the nicest way possible that she stinks.

If you want to see your wife wearing some sexy lingerie “once in a while” (remember what happens when familiarity sets in), go out and buy her something alluring.

If you think sex is boring with your partner, you might want to ask yourself what you’re doing about it. After all, it usually takes two.

Dousing a fish cracker with perfume will only make it smell like a fish cracker with perfume.