DEAR THELMA

I was in a relationship for six years with J and loved him like there was no tomorrow.

Early in 2010, he left me for another girl. He ignored my calls and started using abusive words with me.

One day his girlfriend called and told me he had been seeing her since 2009.

He used a different phone number and they'd gone on vacation together.

Things got worse when J found out that I knew everything about him.

When I demanded an explanation, he showed up at my house in the middle of the night, phoned and used abusive words to my parents about me.

I decided it was enough. I had beautiful friends, and his sister, who stuck by me and brought out the best in me.

Then J came back to me in 2011. I was surprised to see a different man, someone who cared for me and gave me the best. I accepted him back, hoping that things would be better.

He treated me the way I wanted him to and I started to fall in love with him again. We talked about marriage, attended wedding seminars and made plans for our future.

Just as I thought everything was going well, he started to ignore me and abuse me verbally; at times, he even harmed me.

I have also tried calling his sister, but she ignores me too.

He has left me again. I do not know where I went wrong and why I am being treated like this. I'm so hurt inside and I want to get out of this suffering.

Miserable

You don't have to wonder what you did wrong for him to leave you this time. It is quite obvious that the problem lies with him.

When he left you the first time, he had not only been cheating on you, but doing it for some time too.

He was capable of concocting this elaborate lie - of himself, your relationship, his relationship with the other woman, and of his life. This is not something most ordinary people do.

And then, he had the audacity to berate and humiliate you and your parents when you asked for an explanation - which he actually owed you for all that you had been through.

He sounds like a fairly arrogant person. He may have an anger problem too, judging from his reactions to the various situations you have described.

You may wonder how you managed to miss all this when you were courting. He was probably charming and perhaps even manipulative, and he could have made you see what he wanted you to see.

If you are still not convinced that this is reason enough to indicate that he has a problem, consider the fact that he has harmed you. Do you really want someone like this for a life partner?

Perhaps the best thing that could have happened is that this relationship has ended. You should not be surprised that his sister's attitude towards you has changed. She is his sibling after all.

At this time, it may be best to turn to the friends and family who had supported you in the past. This time, it may be harder as you had started planning for your marriage and future together.

But I think you can get over this difficult period with the help of your loved ones, and your resolution to move forward.