I AM 39, married with two young kids and living in an upper middle class residental area. I hold a senior managerial position in an MNC and am earning a five-figure salary. From the outside we seem to have everything that makes a happy family but deep inside, my marriage is rotting day by day. A day without argument is considered a good day.

Although both of us work, I pay for 95 per cent of the household expenses. I also do a big share of the chores, from dishes and laundry to childcare. I help my kids with homework after a long workday while she works from nine to five in a relaxing environment (as she says). She hardly cooks at home and I never demand that she does.

The problem is no matter how much I do, she constantly criticises me whenever things go wrong, and even in front of other people. In the past 10 years, she has never given me a single compliment though some of my female colleagues think I am an ideal husband.

We used to share common interests but those things don’t appeal to her anymore. She now spends hours every day with her girlfriends and watching television.

My wife is unhappy whenever my family or relatives come to visit, though they are nice to her. Feeling unwelcome, they now avoid visiting. In contrast her family and relatives can come and stay as and when they like and she doesn’t bother to ask my permission. The same goes for almost everything in this marriage. To avoid a fight I give in. I think I can take all these if I got some appreciation, but it never comes.

My male colleagues and friends make fun that I am queen-controlled and that I reject most invitations to go out with them even when I want to as these will upset her. Now they don’t even bother asking me out.

To make matters worse, my wife constantly rejects my advances, making me feel like the biggest loser in the world. We have not had sex for more than a year and we don’t talk much except when necessary in daily routines. She says it is normal for women to not want sex and I should respect her feelings. I am reasonably fit and good-looking as women still look at me, but I have kept faithful.

I don’t think divorce is an option as it will affect my children. I’ve tried many times to get counselling but my wife has refused. Now I am willing to pay for all financial needs in exchange for some life for myself. I will be much happier staying alone. Sometimes I want to die in an accident so that my kids will remember me as a good dad before I do anything that will harm my name.

Miserable Man

YOU are not weak and soft. You are just a wonderful man who loves his family and are trying very hard to keep its fragile fabric from being torn and tattered.

Sadly, you have a very selfish and self-centred wife. That she would expect you to be breadwinner, housekeeper, maid and nanny while she spends time with friends and watching TV is not right. A marriage is a partnership sustained by love, understanding and compromise. There must also be compatible emotional support, intellectual sharing and physical passion. How could she expect to build her life around her own happiness, entirely at your expense?

This woman needs to be told off. You have shown phenomenal tolerance and strength in holding up the marriage for your young children. But you must not allow this form of abuse to erode your pride and dignity as man, husband and father of your children. While there is no shame in helping around the house and with the kids, you should not be expected to hold the fort and do all the work.

She does not deserve a good man like you. If she loves you, she should not be holding back emotionally and physically from you all the time. Be prepared to tell her that you will seek divorce if she does not play her part in the marriage. You are still young and in your prime. She must not cow you with the fear that you will lose house and kids. Plan for the future so that she does not walk away with all the prizes.