updated 24 Dec 2010, 22:25
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Tue, Feb 02, 2010
The Star/Asia News Network
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I don't want to still be a mistress when I’m 60


Continuation of Lena's story...

Heart of stone

Staying with him would be the easy way out. He would take care of me financially for the rest of my life, and I would have the company of a man who loved me and whom I had grown to love.

But I didn’t want to still be a mistress when I’m 60.

Did I feel guilty when I was with him? No. I never thought of his wife or kids. They had no faces and, therefore, could not be hurt.

A mistress needs to have a heart of stone and be very focused. When you’re with him, there are just the two of you. You cannot ask about his world, or yours will come crumbling. You would end up insecure and needy. Yet, you know you will never fully own him.

I think M came into my life for one reason: to let me know there was nothing wrong with me, that I could please a man, that I was a woman. I am not proud of what I did, but I don’t regret it.

* Lena (not her real name) is 40 and a social activist.

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