I AM in my first relationship with a guy. It has been almost two years even though it is a long-distance one. We got to know each other through an online game. We keep in contact with text messages and calls. He was the one who started the relationship. He treats me well, is thoughtful, sweet and a true gentleman.

The thing is, we have never met and people always tell me long-distance relationships never work. I doubt that. I know we truly love each other. I have seen his picture and he is neither good- nor bad-looking.

My friend calls me naïve. She once asked whether we would still be able to communicate with each other after we’ve met in real life.

I have so many questions on my mind. I’m afraid that when we do meet, my feelings may fade. Perhaps I’m being judgmental. I’m afraid of how he might look and may leave him. I’m afraid of too many consequences. I know I should be grateful because someone loves me with all his heart. He doesn’t mind how I look. He is such a good man. Am I thinking about it too much?

Tough Love

FRANKLY, your friends are right. You haven’t met the guy, have never spent time with him nor do you know his friends, family or colleagues. How do you profess love when you know so little of each other?

Perhaps you are in love with love. You think you care about your online pal but you actually dread meeting him. You probably fear the dreams and fantasies you have of him will vanish when he appears. You want someone in your life but you have little confidence that this virtual relationship will become reality. You also seem to lack confidence and self-esteem. So having someone who doesn’t mind your looks and knows you for what you are seems assuring and comforting.

Always be careful about online friendships. Until you can check out this person in the flesh (bring a friend along when you do, and tell a relative when and where you are meeting), you can never be sure if he is for real. Do some checks, connect with his friends on Facebook. It does no harm to be careful. Be alert to predators because young women who are vulnerable, naïve and innocent make easy prey.

Do not be so intense about this guy. Meet other fellows, enjoy group dates and have fun without feeling that you need a relationship. Feel good about yourself, dress up, and build your confidence. Hiding behind the computer screen, indulging in online fantasies without giving yourself the chance to enjoy the real world is a huge waste of time and youth.