I’M 22 and have a steady boyfriend, Y. Currently, I am pursuing tertiary studies at a university. Y and I have a strong relationship. He sacrifices a lot to make me happy and I really love him for how well he cares for me. Yet I find myself falling for other men.

I am easily attracted to well established, educated, good-looking guys. Last year, I was physically attracted to one of my lecturers and told him. My lecturer advised me to cope with the emotions as he is married with children and made it clear that he would never betray his wife and family at any cost. I realised my mistake and things settled down.

Soon after that, though, I again found myself making the same mistake. But when the opportunity arose, I couldn’t go through with it as I love Y a lot much and cannot imagine betraying him.

I have also realised that once I have my eye on a guy and he responds positively to my body language, I start imagining things I would never be able to do with him in real life.

I am good-looking and many guys want to date me but I am the type who wants the man I want and not the man who wants me. I have tried advising myself and praying hard but this fickleness seems to be a characteristic that won’t leave me.

I will not, and would never want, to betray Y. If it is so hard to manage matters now, how bad will things get when I enter the workforce?

Y doesn’t know what I am going through and I won’t tell him, as I might lose him. I am fully aware of how this trait could destroy my life one day, but at the moment, I can’t seem to help it.

Please don’t think that I am being selfish because, at the end of the day, I am the one who suffers from wanting but never getting what I want – even when I can attain it. Please help me before this destroys the love of my life.

Troubled

PERHAPS you are not ready for love and commitment just yet. Although you know that Y loves you, you cannot help falling for other men. And if the men you find attractive are established, educated and good-looking, does Y fit the bill?

You are a sweet, kind soul but love is not all about being unselfish. Love should not be burdened by guilt. You will have problems in your relationship if you think that you need to stick with Y because you do not want to hurt him now. Y will want you to love him completely, with all your heart. He does not deserve a woman who secretly harbours thoughts and desires for other men.

You will be doing yourself and Y a favour if you take a break from each other. Tell him that you need to concentrate on your studies and be less intense about the relationship for now. Be emotionally prepared to deal with an upset or distraught fellow who would not understand this move. A man who loves you so much will find it very painful to know that you want some time apart. However, explain that you still care but you simply need time.