ON MY latest trip to Delhi, to attend a dear friend’s second marriage, I was impressed by the ease and simplicity with which the celebrations were conducted.
It was small, elegant and un-fussy.
As my very wise and re-newly married friend pointed out later: “This time, it’s not about the wedding, but the marriage.”
I loved the poignancy of the statement but was soon to realise how loaded the words were.
Over the next few days, I happened to hear numerous stories about divorces, bitter break-ups, custody battles and, thankfully, happy new beginnings as well.
What I was struck by most was how frequent these stories had become, compared to say 10 years ago.
What was going on?
So once the buzz of those potent mojitos died down, I did some digging.
My impromptu focus group discussions among heavily kundan-laden beauties and Armani-clad dandies seemed to point the finger at unreal expectations, clashing personalities, a lower premium on fidelity and a lack of stamina for working through marriage issues.
Somehow “modern, financially independent women with supportive parents” seem to be at the centre of all these divorce cases.
(Read: Aishwarya Rai flicking her mane and mouthing “You’re worth it”).
Many of them are prepared to work through the bumpy phases that accompany matrimony, but are equally ready to walk away from a sham.
Kudos to them and their parents, the latter having evolved way beyond sad B-grade Hindi movie stereotypes.
And then there is the self-indulgent lot, always on the lookout for the next high.
They even tend to attract like-minded spouses... and then disaster is just a step away as they lack the moral and emotional fortitude when trouble comes knocking.
This lot tends to give the D-word a bad name! So I wondered, if modernism and exposure to Western values are spinning traditional values on their heads back in India, the same should ideally apply to Indian expats in Singapore too.
Shouldn’t it? It seems maybe not.
After speaking to several veterans on the Indian social scene here, it seems that there are many cases of unhappy marriages among Indian expats, but very few end in divorce or separation.
The common explanation seems to be that many wives lack the moolah to leave their husbands or need to keep up a “happy show” among their incestuous circle of friends.
And, of course, the staying-together- for-the-kids dilemma is still a major excuse.
Now, barring the last one, which is a tricky issue, all the rest smacked of moral time-warpedness.
There had to be more.
Digging further, I came across a more provocative theory; that of limited choice for prospective Indian partners.
The tale goes: Singapore is small, the Indian social scene is even smaller, distractions for the unhappy spouse are tiny but the chances of getting caught, if you fool around, are high.
At the same time, most Indians find the cultural gap with local Singaporeans too wide to cross. Like-minded Singaporeans too are in short supply.
Hence infidelity, which is a major source of misery, is low among desi expats, at least on the island.
However, to my horror, I have also been told that perfidy among Indian men is generally outsourced on those numerous business trips away from Singapore.
Man remains happy, woman remains clueless, marriage remains intact.(Yeah, I know, somehow the women don’t seem to be doing any cheating overseas. It’s all those ratty men!)
Anyway, the moral of the story it seems is: All things being equal, the world could indeed be your oyster in the Indian metro, where there has been an explosion of all things modern and exciting.
So to all those married couples getting posted back home, I say: “Be careful, be very careful!”
The Reluctant Tai Tai is an Indian expat who loves high teas and gossipy martini sessions. But she has so much more going on in her life. Really!
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