I MARRIED this charming young man whom I thought was my knight in shining armour 34 years ago. He was soft-spoken and seemed the perfect gentleman. I thought I had made the right choice.

Although life after marriage was far from a bed of roses, we have remained married until now. We have two children who are loving and thoughtful .

Since the start of this year, my husband has become very paranoid.

He believes I am not faithful to him and has this “strong hunch” that I “definitely” have someone else.

Because of this, we fight almost every day, sometimes even in front of our children, who, ironically, have had to act as mediators. But it does not help. He claims they have taken my side because they are closer to me.

All this has taken a toll on me. I work part-time to support the family and my children’s education. He has retired for some years now and help with the chores, but I still have to do most of it.

What I don’t understand is how he can be so irrational and selfish as to place more pressure on me. I have to put food on the table and deal with stress at my workplace. I’m going through menopause and now I have to bear with his paranoia.

I don’t know who to turn to as I’m a very private person who does not confide in others.

I hardly keep in touch with my friends for fear of aggravating his paranoia.

I love him in spite of what he’s doing to me. But lately, things have gotten out of hand. He stalks me even when I’m at home. I feel like I’m being held “hostage”. I don’t even have my own space.

If not for the kids, I would have taken my own life as living in this hell is unbearable.

Sometimes I question if God still exists.

Dilemma

YOUR husband’s recent behaviour is not normal. As his paranoia has only started for the past few months and is accelerating at a fast pace, it appears likely to be a symptom of mental/psychological changes.

Do not take this personally or you will suffer a nervous breakdown. Treat him like a patient, not a crazy irrational man you no longer understand or recognise. Talk to your children about this and persuade your husband to consult a medical specialist. In the meantime, stop fighting with him. Try to find out the source of his fears and aggravation. Placate him, keep him calm.

Thinking suicide now would be dealing a double blow to your marriage. You have been happy for 34 years, despite the rough patches. God is still with you; be patient and let Him guide you. If you do not have any relatives or friends, seek help and solace in your faith. But you should unleash some of your bottled up emotions so try to talk to someone. You need all your inner strength to see you through this crisis as the root of the problem is still unknown.

It will not be an easy time as your husband is focusing his paranoia on you. You must have remarkable resilience and will to get through this. But do not be hard on yourself or the pressure will get to you.

Take each day as a challenge. Tell yourself you are helping your husband who is a very sick man. Feel empathy instead of anger.

Show him love, do not fight with him. Perhaps in his dark mind, he does not know how to be rational anymore.