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updated 11 Jan 2012, 20:58
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Mon, Nov 21, 2011
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Wife betrayed
by Thelma

Dear Thelma,

I am married with four teenage children. My husband and I have our own careers. I have trusted my husband whom I love dearly. Our relationship has been good and loving. Until now.

I used to introduce my female friends to him but he didn't seem responsive towards them. Recently, however, he has been e-mailing, calling and SMS-ing some of them. I highlighted this to my husband and he denied it.

I have always respected his privacy but one day, I checked his cellphone and found intimate SMS-es from one of my friends who is single.

When I asked him about it, he said she was just a good friend to him, just as she was to me. And he promised to stop.

My friend blamed my husband for flirting with her and being very nice to her. Because of this my relationship with my friend has soured.

Now, my husband keeps his cellphone in his pocket all the time. He deletes the numbers of all incoming and outgoing calls as well as the SMS-es. He has set a password to his laptop computer and does not allow me access to it or his phone, like before.

One day, I found a cellphone in his trouser pocket when I was doing the laundry. On checking the phone I recognised a few of my friends' numbers in it. There were also intimate SMS-es. I questioned my husband and he denied that the phone belongs to him.

I checked with the telco operator and was informed that the prepaid number was registered by the friend whom I had fallen out with. Again, denial from my husband.

I am now in a dilemma as I feel cheated. I love my husband and I am beginning to lose faith in myself and feel paranoid whenever my husband receives calls and SMS-es and acts in a peculiar manner. And when he is on the computer he will either instantly turn it off or open some other files as I come close to him.

I do not know how long this is going to last. The grief and pain I am going through is difficult to explain. I need solutions before the situation results in separation or suicide.

Lost And Confused

Sorry but the signs and evidence point to your husband's emotional if not physical infidelity. He obviously has much to hide if he so deliberately keeps his cellphone and laptop away from you.

But flirting with your girlfriends and being so obvious about it seems to lead to the conclusion that he wants you to find out about his games.

Now is not the time to lose faith in yourself. Thinking about suicide will drag you down. Think of your children and the family you want to protect. You cannot shut out the truth so get to the root of the matter.

Confront your husband and do not let him tell more lies. Sometimes, a marriage can be threatened by the low-esteem of a spouse.

Are you more successful in your career at this point? Is your husband trying to prove that he is still attractive and virile? How is your sex life with him? Is your marriage hitting a level of boredom and routine? Think of any changes that could help you get to the crux of his behaviour.

However, do not allow your love for him to cower you into silence and submission. He might react in anger to cover up the truth. If you are the good wife, he may pass remarks such as "You think you are so perfect".

This means that he feels threatened and unhappy by your success. He will not ask for divorce because he is actually afraid of changes.

He would prefer that you kick him out so that he does not need to live with the guilt. Then he could turn around and blame you for the failure of the marriage.

Be mindful that the downfall of a marriage can be ugly and painful. But some people manage to salvage love if both parties are prepared to forgive and work for a better ending.

Your husband is the key as he is the party going through the need for change. Why is he picking on your girlfriends? He must know that you will find out. He must be unhappy about some things but do not have the guts to tell you.

Ask him what he truly wants. Tell him you love him dearly but you will not accept his betrayal in guilt and silence. You are not to be made the culprit. If he loves you and his children, he should have the courage and decency to work this through with you.

 

readers' comments

Why can't I ask the question? Think only your world is perfect and no sinners who steal, bad mouth, ill treat people, adultery, etc. Cut the crap with all the sock puppetting (ya, you can deny about it). Is it your business anyway? You have no friends is it?
Posted by mystrawberry on Mon, 28 Nov 2011 at 13:18 PM


Why do you need to ask about those married and cheating ones ? Are you one of them too ?
Posted by NoUpsize on Mon, 28 Nov 2011 at 12:25 PM


Good for your wife la. It shows you for nothing to hide.
Posted by kopikid on Sun, 27 Nov 2011 at 14:21 PM
My wife started to look at my SMS after reading this article, of course, with my permission, if not, it would have been that low.

So informative ........ a bit copycat leh .......

Anyway, I told her she should even look at my "What's App", there are even more messages there as it is FREE.

And with immediate effect, she get to access my forum, MSN, Skype etc......

But I told her that all information have been censored by the People's Republic of China Informcom Authority. ya........
Posted by Limos2010 on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 23:22 PM
If you can't stand your spouse so much that you must have affair and commit adultery, then you should divorce. No need to "find reason". Reason is already there.

If you love your spouse, then don't cheat and risk hurting the spouse. It's simple to understand, isn't it ?

Or are you supporting married men or women who have affair and cheat on their spouses ? Or are you even one who does these things (eg: have affair, flirt with married or single men for affair etc) ?
Posted by small small fish on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 23:05 PM

Your post is like a lecture. Very good. You're like my friend 'onevoice' leh. You female too? But I got one question. Then those married one and cheating one how? Find reason to divource or to cover up?
Posted by mystrawberry on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 18:11 PM

(this is not directed at dimpleguy but at those adulterers in marriage who cheat on their spouse).

Cheat here, cheat there.. why bother to even be married ?!! They might as well divorce then can play all they want without strings.

Somewhere along the line, it's a zero sum game. You can cheat and have fun at your wife/husband's expense while she/he doesn't know.

Even if the spouse never gets to find out, there will be consequences down the line. The main point is that you're not valuing your marriage enough to keep faithful. You think it's a game to do something sinful and not get caught.

By not respecting your marriage and doing these things, you're willfully degrading/spoiling the quality of relationship with your spouse and there will be consequences of this. .....
Posted by small small fish on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 17:56 PM


Yang Guo n Gu Gu? Wow!:D:p
Posted by baoxingtian on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 10:58 AM

Don't know. We are just teasing each other that's all. How many of you are serious about it right? Hope nobody is offended ;)
Posted by mystrawberry on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 10:39 AM


His kid 7yo? :D:eek:
Posted by baoxingtian on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 at 10:24 AM

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