YOU know that adage about statistics, that it doesn’t reveal everything.

With Singapore’s fertility rate (average number of children born per female in her lifetime), the numbers show we’ve dropped to a record low of 1.16 last year.
But that doesn’t tell the whole story.

Older women were reproducing nicely, thank you.

Women in their 40s who have been married before (who have likely completed their childbearing), have an average of 2.02 children.

That’s according to the Census of Population 2010.

So why the dip?

The number of singles has shot up, and of those who do get married, are either having children later or not at all.

Take the case of Ms Adeline Tong, 30.

Ms Tong registered her marriage four years ago.

But she and her 35-year-old husband Vincent Seah can’t have children yet because of money and family health issues.

After moving into her in-laws’ HDB maisonette after marriage, the couple had been saving up to renovate the home before holding their customary wedding, which they have not scheduled yet.

Then her father-in-law, 73, had a massive stroke last week. He is still in hospital.

With Mr Seah’s only sibling working overseas, the couple, who have a combined income of about $7,000 a month, now have to manage the mounting medical bills.

They also have to hire a maid to take care of his father after he gets discharged, and support his retired mother, 68. Said Ms Tong, a human resource manager: “We’re not prepared to have kids now. It’s financial stability – the cost of living in Singapore is already not cheap.

“Imagine if I have a kid now, it’ll be worse.”

But Ms Tong feels theirs is a rare case among their married friends – most do want kids, and some have already given birth. She and her sales manager husband want kids too, ideally two or three.

She said: “People our age, if their parents are okay and not expecting them to make very big family contributions, they are able to have kids already. Maybe for us, we’re just not so lucky.”

No pressure

But on the other hand, Ms Tong does not feel any peer pressure to have babies now, as 80 per cent of her close circle of friends are still single.

She said: “Before you are married, you have another group of people yet to find someone they like. That’s another layer of the problem.”

She’s not wrong.

Among Singapore citizens aged 30 to 34 years, the proportion of singles rose significantly from 33 per cent to 43 per cent for the males, and from 22 per cent to 31 per cent for the females.

To make things worse they don’t appear to be in a rush to get married.

The median age for marriage increased from a decade ago, from 28.4 in 1999 to 29.9 in 2009 for citizen men, and from 25.9 to 27.4 for women.

The median age of a first-time citizen mum has increased from 28.6 years to 29.6 years.Family sociologist and Nominated Member of Parliament Paulin Straughan said:

“My main argument and concern when I research this area is that the major root causes for sustained low fertility is a rising population of singles, and the trend of delayed marriage.

“If you marry over 30, the chances of a large family are quite small. Fertility decreases with the age of both parents, especially the women.”

Ms Tong and her husband are also not alone among married couples who are still childless.

The proportion of Singaporean women who have been married before and are still childless in their 30s rose from 14 per cent in 2000 to 20 per cent in 2010.

Why?

Associate Professor Christie Scollon, who teaches psychology at the Singapore Management University, thinks the main reason Singaporeans are not having children is because they feel they have to first meet a certain set of conditions – like condo, car, maid – before they can have kids, and all of these conditions are expensive.

She said: “To be able to afford the sort of lifestyle people think is necessary in order to be a good parent requires earning a lot of money, and earning a lot of money takes time and conflicts with taking care of young children.”

Professor Gavin Jones at the Asia Research Institute at the National University of Singapore cited reasons like high financial cost of raising children, high opportunity cost in terms of career development, freedom to pursue other interests and concern about the high pressure to raise quality children.

Would not encourage

Against this backdrop, most of those interviewed felt measures like Aware’s suggestion of two weeks paternity leave would not encourage Singapore couples to have more children.

They felt such measures are like “preaching to the converted”, and would only further motivate those who have already decided to start a family, and not move those who have not.

Said Assoc Prof Scollon: “Two weeks is just a fraction of the child’s first year. It does nothing to alleviate the conflict among goals that I mentioned earlier.

“To do that, you’d have to change people’s attitudes towards childrearing (that you don’t need to meet a stringent set of material criteria in order to have children) and you need to change the way people work in general. Working long hours and having young children are really not compatible.”

Having said that, she felt it’s still useful to have paternity leave, not for the intent of boosting birth rate, but to encourage fathers to spend more time with their children.

She said: “Two weeks may be a mere blink in a child’s first few years, but it is still better than nothing.

“It says that the government wants its male citizens to be involved with their children. Establishing an early bond with a child might even encourage fathers to try to continue those bonds throughout a child’s life.”

Agreeing, Mr Lim Soon Hock, chairman of the National Family Council (NFC) and of the Centre for Fathering, said it’s important to nurture the concept that fathers should play a strong role in bringing up children too.

He said: “While two weeks paternity leave is a good incentive for a start, it is the long-term shared parenthood that will have an enduring effect on Singapore couples to have more children.”

Added Prof Jones: “In practical terms, it can also be very important in those difficult early days of bringing home a new baby, or at other times of need.”

To Mr Lim, what will help boost Singapore’s low fertility rate is public education to make a fundamental mindset change in people’s attitudes towards children.

He said: “It requires a redefinition of success to include the family beyond having a good education and a good career...

“Marriage and setting up a family is not a top priority, as confirmed by numerous surveys for the current state of low birth rates.

“(But) singles not getting married and married couples not wanting kids are taking a very short-term view of life, at the expense of long-term benefits, such as care, concern and support, which they will need most when they are old.”

Assoc Prof Straughan also suggested looking more into the barriers and difficulties that singles face in finding their life partners.

There’s another matter to consider. As Singaporeans give birth later and later, they become grandparents later in life too.

The problem of two generations both having children late is shown in Mr Seah and his wife Ms Tong’s case – by the time they wanted to have a child, his father hit 73 and suffered a stroke.

Mr Seah’s parents had him, their first child, when mum was 33 and dad was 38.

Now, the couple are sandwiched by huge financial burdens on both sides of the generation: his father’s hefty medical bills, and saving for their unborn children.

For Ms Tong, any delay in her having children means she inadvertently passes on the same “sandwiched generation” problem to her own children.

Still, she cannot bring herself to “take the risk” of having children now.

She said: “At the end of the day, the problem is very personal. It’s easy for the government to say have children now, but it’s us the parents who have to bear the consequences.”