WHO says Singaporean men can’t hack it?

When his son was barely a month old, Mr Tan Sheng Yeow, 34, decided he would quit his job and look after him.

Mr Tan took on another job which paid him much less, about half what he was earning.

But his new job, at his sister’s childcare centre, came with a perk. It allowed him to work and look after his son at the same time as the boy was placed at the same childcare centre.

“Every time he did something, I would be the first to know about it,” he said. He also changed diapers, bathed and fed his son.

Mr Tan does not think he’s that much of an exception. Many of his friends are hands-on fathers, except none of them has quit or changed jobs for their kids.
But if their kids are sick, they will stay home and look after them. They will also feed and bathe their children and perform other caregiving duties.

When he quit, Mr Tan’s family and friends were all very supportive.

But he agrees with Mr Yap Vong Hin that it is the younger generation of men who are more hands-on with parenting.

“Those above the age of 40 are likely to be less hands-on and expect their wives and helpers to do more,” he said.

“Having said that, we do have friends our age who just dump their children with their parents and expect them to do all the parenting while they work,” he said.

Now that his son is two years and two months old, things have changed.

He has started his own company and is a marketing consultant. His son is in another childcare centre.

Said Mr Tan: “Before Jordan came along, I really enjoyed my work. But in my industry, advertising, the work hours are long, 12 hours a day. I realised I would not get to see much of my son awake during the week days. Since I had the opportunity to switch lines, I took it.”

His wife, a journalist, would not have liked to work at the childcare centre and she was earning more than him, so it made sense for him to quit.

Easier life

They now have a domestic helper, which has made life easier – “fewer quarrels between my wife and me”.

They want more children, but would he be as involved?

“You know what they say, the No. 1 child, the father looks after, the No.2 child, the mother looks after. The third child? Most likely will be dumped on the domestic helper as every one has run out of energy!” he said.

But should fathers get more paternity leave?

“Definitely yes. I hope that what I say will help all fathers get more paternity leave. We need it, just like women need their maternity leave ,” said Mr Tan.

“If you ask anyone who is 30 and below, most probably, the guy would be doing a lot of the housework, unless they are those who think that it is the wife who should do the housework. The reality is that society has changed. The power balance has shifted. Women nowadays can bring home the bacon as much as the men,” he said.