updated 24 Dec 2010, 03:30
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Sun, Aug 15, 2010
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I am married to a "dirty old man"

I WILL come right out and say it - I am married to a "dirty old man".

When I married him, he was a decent enough person and seemed like he would be a responsible husband and father. That was 33 years ago.

Until a year ago, I still had hopes that we would grow old together, and understand, support and care for each other. I trusted him totally especially as we are now in our late 50s and he no longer had any interest in any kind of physical intimacy for some time now.

I just don't know when he morphed into a dirty old man. One day, he left his handphone at home and I found several sexually explicit messages from some woman. He had been calling her and some other women very frequently.

I had never touched his handphone before and he knew I trusted him and would never check on him. Also, he had been going out nearly every night and spending the occasional weekend away "for work".

One day, a package of pills arrived for him. He claimed they were health supplements, but after checking, I found out they were sex stimulants.

Recently he has been upgrading his wardrobe, buying new clothes and shoes. Since I am retired with a pension and my children are working, he spends his entire salary on himself.

I was furious, frustrated and depressed and until today, I cannot bring myself to be in the same room as him or to even hear his voice. I can never forgive him or love him anymore.

If he wants to spend all his time and money on sex stimulants and young women instead of growing old gracefully with me, that is his choice. There is still the rest of my life to live and I want to spend it with a light heart and a happy smile. And no stupid, dirty old man is going to ruin that.

Finally, to all the silent, suffering wives out there - you are not alone. Cut all emotional ties with that dirty old man of yours. Tell yourself that he is not worth suffering for. Don't shed one more tear for him. You can be happy again.


Dirty double lives
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How a wife reacts to her husband's waning performance will affect the physical and emotional condition of their relationship.
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Make-up or break up with a spouse who has broken the trust? Real women give their take.


readers' comments
To all the people who had made bashing comments in the name of "lecturing" Phoenix, you are NOT in her position and has no right to "teach" her anything about her marriage bcos u didn't even go through it urself!



It is not like she doesn't know that men has that tendency?? But if her spouse has never given her anything to suspect before this, WHY SHOULD SHE THINK THAT WAY OF HIM?

If her husband has already looked outside for pleasure, she has EVERY right to move on and do .....
Posted by neon_tetra on Fri, 27 Aug 2010 at 23:08 PM
sure, of course there are somethings to cherish after 33 years, the kids! other than that, just plain ignore the old fool who doesn't cherish his own family anymore
Posted by qymho on Wed, 18 Aug 2010 at 06:39 AM
It's all acts of selfishness. Before he dies, he wants to experience new love and new sex thrills and thinks only of himself and not his family and his dutiful, dedicated wife.

Well, ... if he has a religion, I hope he can reconcile these acts with his God or what his religion teaches when he dies.

To the good wife, you can either follow his actions and find a male friend or be happy and continue your life enjoying what you want to do. You've fulfilled your obligations.
Posted by wildgrass on Tue, 17 Aug 2010 at 12:09 PM
some men cheat cux that is the way they are. but i feel some men(and women) cheat cux the couple don't make any effort to maintain the relationship. falling in love is easy, it's the maintainence of the relationship that is hard.
Posted by linlove90 on Tue, 17 Aug 2010 at 10:18 AM
not necesary means the guy had been like for the pass 33 years,the article trying to make the story hot, he may well change recently, after certain things happen in marriage, if you have lovely wife, you probably want to spend time with her, some parts of the equation had changed, i heard a perfect couple, well to do, wife pretty and succesful, but husband still keep a mistress, because there's something change in the relationship - i don't have specific reason that caused this, but i do know one of the generic reason would be they got nothing much to look forward to, like children already grown up, business is good, you don't need to work hard for anything anymore, so less responsibilities, what's next ?

retire early doesn't mean happy
Posted by jameslee58 on Tue, 17 Aug 2010 at 08:49 AM
sorry about your miserable life. it's completely normal for a man to find a younger mistress after his wife gets old and saggy. It's the way life goes.
Posted by PervertoSan on Tue, 17 Aug 2010 at 04:58 AM
men regardless of age will always b horny n behaves like animal wen he needs "to do it",if e wife cant turn him on dan he hs to find his regular fix elsewere,rite? dun get me x,im nt saying his aged wife is ugly nor she cant "do it" anymore...its juz tt wild flower may b more potent n exciting tts y he needs those sex stimulant.
Posted by killemall on Tue, 17 Aug 2010 at 00:15 AM
It is hard for you to accept it but time will heal.
After so many years of marriage, he betray yr trust.
Go and pamper yourself, take up hobby to take yr mind
of the anger and disappointment in him. In the end,
you will turn up healthier and happier than him.
With his fooling around, anyone can guess what will
happen to him financially and physically. He will
get his dues. So keep money for yourself too or
he will spend all his retirement money on those
Posted by SARAH_SAY on Mon, 16 Aug 2010 at 22:36 PM
Perhaps, you should consider it fortunate that he only turns dirty after 33 yrs. Had he turned dirty 33 yrs earlier, wouldn't it be worse ?
Or maybe you have been wishing that he turned dirty earlier & not now when you are just as old ?

At least, he didn't write to the Forum to complain about his old & probably "useless" wife.
Posted by Songshus on Mon, 16 Aug 2010 at 21:24 PM
It's sad that you took 33 years to find out ? 9/10 men flirt,it's normal.

SAF Rule number 9: You can do anything,but don't get caught
Posted by winner_1981 on Mon, 16 Aug 2010 at 20:24 PM

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