MY sympathies go to Silent suffering wife ("Dirty double lives", Your Say, Vestibule, StarMag, Aug 8).

While not condoning the antics of her 60-year-old husband, whom she says goes after younger women armed with performance-enhancing medication, I feel this is an issue which deserves some comment.

Perhaps it may be a little too late for her, but for those who are approaching mid-life, a rational and sensitive approach helps.

I myself am a man in my early sixties and my "performance" is definitely on the wane. But I am not going after other younger women.

The comment that caught my attention in Silent suffering wife's letter was: "I was secretly pleased when my 60-year-old husband couldn't 'get it up' ... "

Around his fifties, when a man starts having problems "getting it up", he faces a personal crisis. How the wife reacts at this time will have a bearing on the physical and emotional condition of their relationship in the near future.

First, it helps to know that while most women around this age are ready to end the sexual aspect of their relationship, most men are not. Disinterested or insensitive remarks from the spouse at this time may cause a man to give up pursuing the matter in his own marital bedroom.

If we can be sensitive to our grown-up children's struggles with career or family, should we not also be sensitive to our spouse's struggle with aging?

While I do not have THE solution to offer, particularly since relationships vary from couple to couple, I must say that my wife has empathised with my struggle, understood my needs, and helped me adjust, even though she herself has no more interest in sex.

Grateful Husband,
Seremban