IN THE past, women tended to focus their attention on their families.

For example, my mother, who died more than 20 years ago, was a housewife.
Family meant everything to her, and she put her heart and soul into taking care of her husband and three children.

Though she did not have the opportunity to go to school, she made sure her children were enrolled in English-medium schools.

She woke up early every day. Not only did she prepare breakfast, but she also spent time combing my long hair, then tying it up in plaits or a chignon. When I became a mother, I made sure my daughter’s hair was cut short, saying it was neater that way.

In reality, as a working mum then, I just did not have the time to do her hair every day. While I was in a better position to provide for my children materially, I could not spend as much time with them as my mother did with my two brothers and me.

My daughter and son are adults now and I have since retired. But when they were young, I made sure I spent time outside of work with them, and ensured breakfast and dinner were prepared daily.

Yet, I often felt guilty. As a teacher, I felt sometimes that I was looking after others’ children instead of my own.

However, while balancing a career with family responsibilities is tough, women today have a right to their careers. Working mothers invariably have to make sacrifices.

But do children of working mothers have it worse than those of full-time mothers? That is not the case.

Full-time mothering is not necessarily ideal mothering. Full-time mothers may mollycoddle their children, or be unable to let go.

I once had a male junior-college student, good looking and smart, who is an only son. His mother had given up her job to take care of him.

But his female classmates complained to me that they could not reach him at home as it was always his mother who picked up phone calls.

I know of another mother who took her daughter to school and picked her up after classes daily.

The student, in the second year of junior college, could not hang out at fast-food joints, chilling out with her pals. Whether one is a full-time mother or a working mother is immaterial.

What is important is that parents remember their role is to bring up their children well, so that they can be independent. Letting go is painful, but if parents do not do so, their kids would not have a chance to grow up.

Mothers, ask yourself: If something were to happen to you, can your children (assuming they are teens) handle the changed circumstances?

When I was a working mother, I realised that good time management, a supportive husband and quality time with my children allowed me to be a responsible mother.

As for housewives, their challenge is to be aware of the need to instil independence in their children as, ultimately, both have their own lives to lead.

What about mothers whose children have grown up? Well, they can help to care for their grandchildren.

Former working mums, especially, would appreciate fully the difficult balancing act faced by their working daughter or daughter-in-law.

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