Q My second son will be entering Primary 1 next year. Should I enrol him in the same school as his elder brother who is in Primary 4?

Also, is my two-year-old daughter old enough to attend playschool?

A The homework you did when choosing the school that your eldest child now attends should not be ignored.

Have you encountered problems that are causing you to have second thoughts about sending your second son to the same school? If not, it will make life easier for you and your younger son if he attends the same school as his brother.

There are several pros. For a start, he will have his brother's company on the school bus, which is very reassuring in the early days. More importantly, it should be easier for him to adjust since he will have his big brother's experience, tips and guidance.

For you, different schools will mean getting to know a new environment, new systems and new requirements. It also means two sets of logistics: school buses, sports days, parent-teacher meetings and so on.

In attending the same school, your younger son may find himself being compared to his brother, but this will most likely happen only in the first few months, until he has established his own identity.

Good teachers will always treat your child as an individual and will work with you to identify his strengths, weaknesses and how to get the best out of him.

As for whether your daughter is old enough to attend playschool, ask yourself: Does she seem eager and confident to socialise and interact with people outside her immediate family?

While there is no doubt she will keep looking for your reassurance, has she started to 'let go' when she is having fun? If the answer to both questions is yes, I think she is ready.

Generally, by the age of two years, a child's understanding of verbal reasoning is more developed and he is beginning to explore his social environments. Of course, the development and building of selfconfidence differ from child to child.

Ironically, a child's introduction to playschool is as worrying and traumatic for the parent as it is for the child.

So remember that your daughter will be watching you and your body language for clues as to whether going to playschool is a good idea or not. Be positive but sensitive. The initial separation must be done firmly but gently.

Q My son, who is in Primary 3, was transferred to a neighbourhood school this year. He is unable to adapt to his new teachers' ways of teaching and to the slower pace of learning. He has started to 'switch off' in class by doing his own work during lessons and was scolded by his teachers.

He is good in English and uses words his new classmates cannot understand. For this, he has been labelled a braggart.

My calls and e-mail to his teachers have gone unanswered. Instead, they tell me only that their school is not an 'elite' one. What should I do?

A The situation at your son's school is clearly not as you and he wish it to be. As a result, it would seem that he has developed a highly negative attitude towards his school.

If he perceives that you share and condone his negativity, it will only increase his unhappiness and harden his own negative sentiments and behaviour.

Sometimes, by inadvertently over-protecting our children, we do more harm than good. As a parent, one must prepare one's children for a future in which the world will not always be easy or fair.

Indeed, there will be many occasions when your son will have to navigate conditions he does not like.

Realistically, you cannot expect his school to tailor its system or change its teacher-student mix to suit the needs and desires of your son.

If the school sees that your son is trying to make the best of a situation in which he is not entirely happy, I am confident it will do its best to help accommodate those needs and desires.

I suggest you concentrate on rebuilding his confidence and using his high intelligence to his advantage. Help him to know 'when to bend like the willow and when to be a tall poppy'. Teach him the value of humility and respect for others. Help him become a well-rounded individual.

While you must nurture his dreams and ambitions, you must also help to equip him with the skills to live a happy life with what he has, and not become depressed if life does not live up to his expectations.

Dr Carol Balhetchet, who answered these questions, is director of youth services at the Singapore Children's Society.

This article was first published in The Straits Times.