WHEN a man strays, the finger is immediately pointed at the other woman, the home-wrecker. Never mind that you need two hands to clap. Of course it was her. She seduced him and took him away from his wife and kids.
Who is she?
Someone who is outside the family scenario and very different from the wife, says consultant psychologist Valerie Jaques, who has recommended therapy for marital relationships and troubled relationships in general. “This attracts the man who longs for some risk and adventure, rather than the security he provides his family and his responsibility toward them.”
The stereotypical picture of a nymphomaniac bombshell who wins the man over the frumpy housewife does not always ring true. Camilla Parker Bowles was the beast to Princess Diana’s beauty, yet Prince Charles chose to carry on a decades-long affair with her. Several years after Diana’s death, he married his mistress.
“Then there are the men whose wives are superwomen who manage everything. They will turn to mistresses who need them or appear to need them, financially and/or emotionally,” Jaques adds.
When Tiger Woods’ affairs surfaced, the media had a field day. Reams were written about why he cheated: power, sex, an innate need to get back at his womanising father, his upbringing, golf, his wife. These excuses are nothing new.
What about the women? The string of girls linked with the world’s No. 1 golfer were said to be in it for the money, power and publicity. Some claimed they were in love with him.
When rich, powerful men err, it’s much more scandalous. And often, their mistresses get elevated to cult status. Think Monica Lewinsky, Marilyn Monroe, Sienna Miller, Rebecca Loos, Angelina Jolie, Anne Boleyn. Jolie married both the men she had affairs with – Billy Bob Thornton, who was engaged, and Brad Pitt, who was married. Boleynn became queen but was subsequently beheaded!
To be fair, men also play the field, although we call them toy boys. Iris Robinson, wife of Northern Ireland’s Prime Minister, Peter Robinson, and a politician herself, was recently exposed in a sex and money scandal involving her 19-year-old boyfriend.
What exactly makes a woman willing to become a mistress, hidden from public view and unable to stake a claim on her man? Everyone knows he will never leave his wife, so why doesn’t she?
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