I am a guy who’s 20+, with a decent job and income in the city. I am going out with my cousin, C, whom I met at a family function about three years back. We had not seen each other for a long time, and spoke briefly and exchanged numbers before we parted.

Subsequently, we kept in touch regularly by phone and the relationship blossomed. We became good friends and shared many things with each other.

Six months down the road, I realised that I’d grown fond of C and we became more than friends. We shared feelings for each other and I proposed four months later. She accepted and our happy relationship is now two years old.

All was going fine till the third quarter of this year when our parents found out about our relationship, which they strongly object to. Both of our parents have been coming down hard on us and we are facing a tough time being together. C was even driven to attempt suicide.

Meanwhile, I have been harassed continuously on the issue and I am under constant supervision due to suspicion that I would resume contact with C.

We respect our parents and we’ve come clean with them but they are refusing to accept the relationship or listen to anything we have to say. C and I are determined to be with each other but emotional pressures from both our parents are making it very tough for us. We’ve made our choice and we would like to be with each other and see our relationship through. We would like to settle down in future and have a beautiful family for ourselves.

Why are our parents reacting in such a disrespectful manner towards us and is it wrong for C and me to want to be together? As parents, they have always reiterated that their children’s happiness would be their happiness but now they react with such denial. I am bitterly disappointed with the way things have unfolded.

Hoping Hopelessly

HAVE the parents given a reason for their objection? Many people still think that cousins should not marry because they believe that it is incestuous due to the strong blood ties. Marrying cousins are advised to have medical tests to ensure that there will not be any adverse genetic effects on their children.

Talk to both your parents. Find out why they object as that will always be a difficult pressure point. If your cousin has tried to commit suicide, think of the long-term consequences. Can the both of you cope with being ostracised and rejected by loved ones? Unfortunately, some parents will not discuss issues with their children. They will simply assert their right as parents and expect that you comply out of filial respect.

You have the limited options of either breaking up with your cousin or marrying despite the parents’ wrath. It is doubtful that they will accept the relationship unless you can convince them that it is acceptable to marry your cousin. Perhaps you could talk to an influential close friend or relative. If you have some support, then your parents may be more receptive.

If you are determined to marry your cousin, then be prepared for some painful times. Both of you must be able to bear being cut off from loved ones and not receiving their blessing. Your strength and resilience will be tested, especially when you need help and support. And would you miss the warm, joyful festive periods with family? Can your cousin rally with you or will she be driven to suicide again?

You are still in your 20s so perhaps you should not rush into marriage. Give your cousin time to rebuild her emotional strength and take it easy with the relationship. Understand the folks so that you could find ways to convince them. Maybe they will come around if they are assured that it is not forbidden love. Or if you should get married regardless, perhaps your children will draw forgiveness and a happy ending in time.