MOST men think they are the ones who make the first move in clubs, bars and other pick-up places.

Wrong, says Australian relationship guru Allan Pease – 97 per cent of the time, it’s the women who make the first move.

“Only 3 per cent of men have the courage to make a cold start,” Mr Pease, 58, said.

“The rest wait for an eye contact signal or a smile or some other signal for him to approach.”

Mr Pease was in Singapore on Monday as part of his world tour to promote Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love, a book co-authored byhim and his wife, Barbara.

He noted that while a woman’s signals may seem blatantly obvious to herself and every other woman in the room, it may not be for the men.

“Men are not wired to receive subtle signals of courtship,”Mr Pease said.

So what are some of the body signals women show to indicate they are interested?

The go-ahead

1. Her hand is on her hip – to make herself more noticeable. Her wrist may also be bent backwards – a sign of submission.

2. Her head is tilted slightly – a sign that she finds the guy interesting.

3. She has a bigger smile that shows her teeth.

4. She may be stroking her hair.

5. Her hips are tilted.

6. Her feet are pointing towards you.

7. She makes prolonged eye contact.

The ‘go away’

If your approach is not working, these are the possible tell-tale signs:

1. Her legs are crossed, like a barrier. So are her arms.

2. Her head is turned away.

3. Her smile is tight-lipped.

4. She is not preening.

Women, make your signals more obvious to men, Mr Pease said.

If you are in a group of girls, it may be a good idea to leave the group for a while so the man can make an approach.

“Men are scared of rejection,” he noted.

They do not want to face the prospect of being humiliated in front of a group of women.

And men, forget about fancy openers. It’s enough to just open your mouth and talk.

Mr Pease said: “Most men think they must have a very creative or witty statement. Now, what you do is, ask for a woman’s opinion and listen.”

The New Paper on Sunday saw Mr Pease dish out relationship advice – a compelling mixture of scientific facts with humour – to The New Paper New Face 2009 finalist Farhanah Zulkiffli, 17, a student.

Another New Face contestant, Adelina Eliza, also a 17-year-old student, had a few questions for the dating maestro, although she was unable to meet him personally.

For about an hour, Mr Pease got to know some of the things that are on the minds of young women in Singapore.

Common concerns

It seems that young women, regardless of where they come from, have mostly the same concerns.

“These are the type of questions I get everywhere,”he said.

Farhanah had broken up with her boyfriend of two years earlier this year.

He was controlling, she said. She loved to dance, but he wanted her to stop as he thought it was inappropriate.

He initiated the break-up, she said. She had been asking him for “breathers” every time they fought, which led him to believe she wasn’t serious about him.

“How old is he?” asked Mr Pease.

“My age,” said Farhanah.

“That means he’s emotionally only 12,”he replied.

Farhanah had another question about a couple in their late teens.

The boy wasn’t happy that his girlfriend was losing too much weight, and had threatened to breakup with her if she got any thinner.

She asked: “She was curvy and now she’s really thin. She often goes to fashion shows and sees models being skinny. She likes the Kate Moss look.”

Mr Pease said: “The first thing you need to know is that 87 per cent of the people who go to fashion shows are women. Most of the rest are gay men.

“Most of the people who watch the Miss World and Miss Universe competitions are men. It tells you very clearly what men want.

“They do not want a stick figure catwalk model... If she's losing weight because she thinks a catwalk model build appeals to men, that’s a serious mistake.”

He also addressed Adelina’s queries, which were mostly about dating in the early stages.

“Do all men go for looks?” she asked. “In the beginning, absolutely, yes,” was Mr Pease’s reply.

But personality and a sense of humour take over as what men want most is a long-term partner, headded.

Adelina wanted to know whether a guy who has feelings for a girl after the first date will also have thoughts of having sex.

“If he’s a guy, he’ll have thoughts of having sex before he met you!” Mr Pease replied candidly.

“Only a woman would ask a question like that. How do you know if he’s ready for sex? He’s breathing!”

This article was first published in The New Paper