You have the wedding dinner invite. But the bride is not the only one with jitters on her big day. You, the guest, are fretting over what to wear or how to make conversation with a table of strangers.

The knotty issue is rearing its head as the wedding season gets underway following the end of the Hungry Ghost Festival.

How much hongbao money is enough?

The going rate seems to be around $80 to $120 a person, although it can go as high as $174 at swanky hotels.

Most people usually take into account which hotel the dinner is held and add a little more based on their relationship with the person, says executive consultant of wedding consulting firm Wedding Acts, Jonathan Goh, 38.

'You don't want to 'under-give' as that would be impolite and you should at least cover the cost of your seat at the table,' he says. He always makes sure to give at least 30 to 50 per cent more than the cost of his dinner.

'It also depends on my relationship with the couple and how generous I'm feeling at the moment,' he adds.

His generosity when it comes to wedding hongbaos stems from a bad experience during his own wedding eight years ago at Grand Hyatt hotel.

He recalled receiving a hongbao of $40 from a long-time friend and former classmate who also brought his girlfriend to the dinner, which cost $80 a head.

'He even had the audacity to write his name on the hongbao,' he says with a chuckle.

The two friends have since lost contact with each other, although Mr Goh insists it has nothing to do with the measly hongbao at his dinner, which had 45 tables.

He had to cough up $15,000 due to his lacklustre hongbao collection and now advises his clients to set aside at least $10,000 just in case.

'Don't try to make money from your wedding. You never know when you might find yourself in a situation like mine,' he says.

Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner Norfery Ngoh, who had to hold two wedding dinners - one here and another in Harbin, China, his wife Zhao Jing's native country - was lucky. He collected a profit of 90,000 yuan (S$18,599). The banquet in China cost him 110,000 yuan for 30 tables.

The 27-year-old says people in China are very worried about losing face as their names are on the hongbao and the red packets are immediately ripped apart and their amounts recorded.

The generous hongbao, he adds, were from his father-in-law's friends, business partners or clients who gave between 2,000 and 10,000 yuan.

For his second wedding dinner here last Thursday, he was ready to top up an additional $8,000 to $12,000 to pay for his $30,300 banquet.

Speaking before the dinner, he told LifeStyle: 'I'm confident that my relatives and close friends will at least match the $83.80 price per head at the dinner.'

Afterwards, he said he had made a profit of $3,124.

Mr Alex Lim, 27, an executive in an engineering company who got married this year, advises couples to 'be realistic with how much they can afford and estimate how much your friends and family members will give'.

'You can then choose a hotel that is within your means,' he says.

To play it safe, he and his wife Candy Lee, 29, held their wedding banquet in February at the four-star York Hotel which cost them $778 per table. He had 35 tables and made a profit of $8,000 from the hongbao.

He said: 'I knew my friends and relatives would pay between $80 and $100. So I knew I was safe.'

As for how much hongbao money to give at friends' future weddings, he intends to reciprocate with whatever amount they gave him.

But making money from a wedding should not be a couple's priority, says ship broker Bonfurt Sim.

'The people you invite should be those whom you want to share your happiness with. But people do take advantage and invite business clients who tend to give big sums of money,' says the 50-year-old.

He usually gives about $100 or more, depending on his relationship with the couple. He also multiplies the amount by five if he takes his wife and three children along.

Engineer David Tan, 40, and his wife usually give 20 to 30 per cent more in case they underestimate the cost.

He says: 'It is not so much a case of saving face. We just want to give a cash gift to the couple on top of helping them cover the cost of their dinner.'

This article was first published in The Straits Times.