If you are preparing to walk down the aisle soon, you may want to get yourself prepared for what lies beyond the wedding.

After all, the wedding only lasts a day (for most people), but the marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.

However, it doesn't work out that way for some.

The divorce rate for those married for less than five years rose from 12.5 per cent in 2008 to 14 per cent in 2009, according to Marriage Central, a body formed by the National Family Council.

Counsellors recommend that couples attend a pre-marital counselling programme to give them an idea of what to expect.

"They will also be more aware of how conflicts escalate," Ms Jessie Koh, 50, senior psychotherapist at Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre (EMCC), said.

The top three issues that couples must address are money, in-laws and adapting to each other's living habits.

Couples must be taught the "financial demands of starting a family" and about the responsibilities of "getting a flat for your new family", said Ms Rosedah Anuar, senior counsellor of Association of Muslim Professionals, a self-help and non-profit organisation set up by the Malay-Muslim community in Singapore.

Financial considerations to be noted include deciding if they should start a joint bank account and how to distribute expenses between them, said Ms Koh.

"Also, as singles, they probably contributed financially to their extended families. How does this change after marriage?" added Ms Koh.

Many marital issues also arise in relation to in-laws, counsellors said.

"Some in-laws expect their sons to live with them after marriage and the wives are not agreeable.

Even when the wives are willing, there's the concern of whether and how they can get along," said Ms Koh.

Conflicts

Quite often, conflicts appear "when the husband-to-be is quite close to his family and listens to his parents" when making decisions.

The couple would then argue about how much the husband should defer to his parents after marriage.

She advises the husband to acknowledge that his "responsibility is more to his wife after marriage".

She also instructs men to "always discuss matters with their wives first" and "to find alternatives to please his parents", if a deadlock occurs.

Counsellors point out that some couples are unaware of the large extent of their lives that would change after marriage, especially for those with a child on the way.

"For our clients, the most common problem is pregnancy out of wedlock. These couples are usually not ready for marriage financially, mentally and emotionally," said Ms Rosedah.

Both Ms Rosedah and Ms Koh said they've encountered at least one pair who called off their weddings after attending pre-marital counselling, an indication that such sessions bring out irreconcilable differences couples were not aware of earlier.

For couples brave enough to still take the leap of faith, counsellors offer some tips.

Ms Rosedah said: "Communicate with your partner openly and regularly. You might not agree on everything but compromise when you don't. And finally, cultivate patience, as it's a virtue."

Ms Koh said couples should "verbalise their unhappiness to each other" and warned against "bottling up discontent".

Couples should also make the effort to continually show affection to each other after marriage, no matter how stable the relationship feels, said Ms Koh.

"Couples stop showing affection after some time because they take each other for granted," she said.

This article was first published in The New Paper.