KUALA LUMPUR - Communication with teenagers can be challenging. Teens tend to spend more time in their rooms, or with their peers, and away from family activities.
Consequently, opportunities for communication between parents and teens diminish during this period of their lives.
To make things worse, teens do not confide in their parents as readily, and do not communicate their feelings as much as they did when they were younger.
Many parents of teenagers feel lost and frustrated, while teenagers think this communication gap is due to their parents being on a "different frequency".
So, how does one connect with a child in these difficult years?
Here are some suggestions:
CREATE OPPORTUNITIES
Gone are the days when your child would return home and enthusiastically tell you what happened in school.
For teens, parents have to create opportunities for communication. Try to provide as many opportunities as possible for you and your teenager to be together, so that communication can occur.
To some extent, this statement is true: When there is quantity, then there can be quality.
LISTENING IS KEY
Sometimes, parents just talk too much. Sometimes, this is true: Listen to them first, then they will listen to you.
STOP THE NAGGING
In general, nagging is ineffective, and doesn't change behaviour. Instead, focus on consequences where necessary.
For instance, your 15-year-old son refuses to do his homework and you have nagged him about the importance of education. Now, it's time to try imposing short-term consequences.
"If you do your homework, you will be able to go to the movies on Saturday" or "The week when you do not do your homework, you will not be able to go out on the weekend" could work.
In short, don't nag - let the consequences do the talking.
In the end, it's not about talking more to teens, it's about listening harder. Then, you might be able to find out what your teen responds to.
Using these tactics, parents can tune in to their teenagers' frequency - and have deeper and more meaningful interactions.
