Relationship and marriage problems are driving more men to seek counselling - with a growing number of cases involving extramarital affairs.

Other possible factors include an increasing pace of life that can make communication more difficult, counsellors say.

The number of men going to the Marine Parade Family Service Centre (FSC) for relationship and marital counselling has more than doubled from 19 in 2006 to 43 in 2010. More than half initiated the process themselves.

The Fei Yue Family Service Centres have also seen a 20 to 30 per cent increase, while veteran marital and family therapist Benny Bong said men are now involved in 60 per cent of his cases, compared with 30 per cent five years ago.

Counsellors attribute the trend to a rise in the number of cases that involve extramarital affairs and communication difficulties.

"There are more such cases as the pace of life has quickened and more people are travelling, thus communication and the quality of relationships are impacted," said Fei Yue Family Service Centres assistant director Rachel Lee.

Seventy per cent of the male clients who go for relationship counselling at the Marine Parade FSC seek help over communication issues and extramarital affairs.

Shifting gender roles have also contributed, the counsellors add. In the past, most men were averse to relationship counselling as it was embarrassing for them to admit their vulnerabilities, said Mr Jonathan Siew, manager for Care Corner Counselling Centre. "They would stay silent, avoid issues and hope that the issues would go away by themselves," he added.

Now, however, more men are going beyond bringing home the bacon and acknowledging their role in keeping marriages strong. Wives are also getting their husbands involved in the counselling process, aware that there is a limit to how much they can do to solve the problem.

"In the past, wives would go for counselling to 'fix' themselves, but nowadays more acknowledge that marital improvement comes with improvements in their relationship rather than in self-improvement alone," said Mr Bong.

Other factors brought up by counsellors include men's greater awareness of relationship services and the waning stigma surrounding them.

Given this trend, counsellors say that therapists have to be adequately trained to counsel men and address issues pertinent to them.

"These issues may range from career issues to mid-life crisis to managing strong emotions," said Mr Bong. "While men cry less than women, they are more likely to express angry emotions."

Others say counselling sessions should be better tailored to fit men's expectations and communication styles.

"Men may have some pride or ego issues, so therapists must be careful to treat them with respect and counsellors must be skilful enough to be emotionally attuned to their underlying emotions, which some men may have difficulty expressing," said Mrs Jade Low-Lim, senior counsellor at Marine Parade FSC.

"Some men, compared with women, are more focused on seeing outcomes, so it is important to help them work towards goals in addition to just reflecting on the situation."

Research by the Marine Parade FSC found many men prefer to open up to female counsellors as they are seen to be more patient and less judgemental.

"The parties involved must be mindful to keep the sharing to professional settings," said Mrs Lee. "Any development of romantic relationships is frowned upon as the men are vulnerable and the professional will be held accountable."

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