A "checklist" syndrome is the biggest stumbling block when it comes to Singaporeans finding spouses, said dating experts.

This list of expectations applies not just for potential mates but also for themselves in, say, career.

Commenting on a survey's findings released earlier this week that found that singles yearned to tie the knot one day, but had not found their ideal partner, or wanted to focus on their career first, several dating experts The Straits Times spoke to blamed one thing: the checklist.

Owner of dating agency Clique Wise, Mr Jackiey Kwek, who has spoken to about 10,000 single Singaporeans since it opened six years ago, said: "They've hit a certain point in their career. They have a high-paying job, a big house, a nice car. They now want a soulmate who can fit into their lifestyle."

The 38-year-old has had clients with PhDs who insist on dating only PhD holders. Some give him a list of professions they want their prospective date to be in. Pilot, doctor, lawyer and banker come up tops in this list.

Dating agencies said women typically want a spouse who earns more, is taller and older, at least as educated, exudes confidence and has reached a certain rank within a company.

"I tell my lady clients, happiness doesn't always come at 1.75m," said Ms Violet Lim, founder of Lunch Actually, chuckling.

Men, on the other hand, typically hope to clinch a date with someone who is pleasant-looking, slim and family-oriented. Some also ask to date women lower on the career ladder than they are.

Associate professor of sociology at the National University of Singapore Paulin Tay Straughan, who teaches a module for freshmen called "The Social Construction of Romantic Love", thinks the checklists for women have become longer - the result of educated women wanting men who can add value to their lives.

"They want what is portrayed as the ideal match. Look at how love is portrayed on TV. There is hardly ever a show where a hero is shorter than a heroine," she said. "We are a slave to societal norms."

"The minute you have a relationship where friends think your partner is not good-looking, or parents think he is not good enough, doubts are seeded," she said. "Everyone is chasing a fairy tale."

Her advice is for singles to just go out with different people and not hold out for that ideal partner.

She said: "As long as you date and expand your social circle, in time, you will come to know what you really want and not what society says you should want."

However, expanding one's social circle may not be easy.

The owners of Lunch Actually, Clique Wise and other dating agencies like Affinity Again said most of their clients meet fewer than 10 new people a year.

The owner of Affinity Again, Ms Betty Goh, said: "They say they are working. After work, they go home and rest. When they do go out, it's with friends they already know."

Ms Susan Low, 28, a graduate in economics and finance from RMIT University in Australia, has been single for the past decade.

The bank manager admits that she does not meet many new people socially. She has gone on several dates set up by friends but these did not lead to anything.

Her checklist? An older man with at least a university degree and who is not overly religious. She is not particular about the job he holds.

Recounting a recent incident when she chatted someone up at a party and got monosyllabic replies, she said: "In Singapore... men don't strike up conversations that frequently. It's not easy."

So what are the solutions?

Ms Lim called it a "numbers game". "Out of 10 new people you meet, there may be mutual attraction with maybe four, and maybe in the end, one will work out.

"Go for singles events. Widen the number of people you meet. Be proactive."

Mr Kwek of Clique Wise suggests changes in three areas - at home, school and work. Schools can have more co-ed activities, he said, adding that employers can help staff mingle via, say, wine- tasting activities.

"Parents should also encourage relationships at school. Stop saying that studies come first."

Schools said they leave students alone when it comes to relationships. The senior director for marketing and communications at Singapore University of Technology and Design, Ms Corinna Choong, said its student population has a good mix of boys and girls. "The students mingle on their own and pair up by themselves. The school doesn't interfere in this aspect," she added.

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Additional reporting by Melissa Lin and Hoe Peishan

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