Single mum Joyce Yip, 42, was looking for a companion – not a husband – after her four-year marriage failed.
“Sometimes, being lonely is very real,” said Ms Yip, who divorced her husband when her only child was two. “When you have a kid, often you need emotional support and parenting help. But I was very afraid of marrying the wrong guy again.”
Through dating website Match.com, she met regional IT director Too Teh Hsin, 56. The Chinese American came to Singapore to work in 2000, and has two teenage children from his first marriage, which ended in divorce after 25 years.
The pair found “very good chemistry” and started to date, but both made it clear that their children came first. It took about three years of courtship before Ms Yip said “yes” to his proposal.
Part of the reason she took her time was that her son, now 16, did not want anyone to take his father’s place. She said: “After we assured him that Teh Hsin would not replace his father, it was easier for him to accept Teh Hsin.”
On his part, Mr Too took an interest in the boy’s hobbies and tried his best to build a bond before the couple married in 2009.
His own children, though heartbroken by his divorce, had not voiced any objections. His son, now 20, was living with him then, while his daughter, now 24, was then studying in America and now lives there.
It was only after the wedding, and Ms Yip and her son moved in to live with them, that Mr Too realised that his son would withdraw to his room all the time.
“Although my son didn’t say it, I could sense that he felt he couldn’t be himself,” he said. “I recognised I needed to spend time with him alone. So every Sunday, after church, both of us would hang out.”
Getting the boys to bond was also harder than they had thought, given their four-year age gap and different interests.
“Both boys were polite to each other, but were not extremely close,” she said. Ms Yip’s son has since moved to live with his father, while Mr Too’s son has left for studies in America.
The couple say it has helped that they remain friendly with their respective former spouses and continue to share parenting responsibilities.
Ms Yip’s former husband is dating someone, while Mr Too’s first wife, who also lives here, has remarried.
Ms Yip said: “I see his ex-wife as a sister and we spend holidays together. I don’t feel like I’m trying to compete with her for the status of a mum.”
The Toos say they are not taking their second marriage for granted, and divorce is no longer an option.
Both converted to Christianity after their first marriages ended, and say their faith has influenced their views.
Mr Too said: “The purpose of marriage is not about her making me happy, but about helping each other become better people. We try to put each other’s interests before our own.”
In his first marriage, he said, he was consumed by the need to win arguments, but he now realises that is no longer important. Ms Yip has also learnt to communicate her expectations, instead of assuming her partner will know them automatically.
She added: “I said at our wedding that I’m not the first person he met, but I’m very confident that I will be his last woman.”
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