AS WE approach the Chinese New Year, and its line-up of dinner after dinner with relatives, I can't help but think of our elders (around whom a reunion dinner is traditionally centred) and the problems that afflict them.
Last week, news reports zoomed in on a Singaporean woman with dementia who went missing in Genting Highlands.
She turned up at home a week later, having travelled more than 400km with just $20 in her pocket.
She could not remember what must have been a strange trip, and said only that she had taken buses and walked a lot.
Dementia refers to "the loss of mental functions - such as thinking, memory, and reasoning - that is severe enough to interfere with a person's daily functioning", according to WebMD.com
According to a 2004 survey, around 5.2 per cent of Singaporeans above 60 have dementia and, as our population ages, that number is set to rise.
I, too, have a close relative who is in her 80s diagnosed with mild dementia several years ago. Short-term memory loss is her greatest blight.
Now, it seems her life is no longer her own, her schedule largely determined by those who can remember it for her.
She is entirely reliant on her sons and daughters for transport, so that she doesn't get lost while travelling. She must be reminded often of where she is going, and who she is meeting.
It must be a frightening experience for her. But, still, she seems relatively happy and, thankfully, there are funny moments as well.
Fighting with friends, for example, takes on a new meaning because most of her mahjong kaki (Singlish for close companions) also have dementia or Alzheimer's disease.
Accusations of cheating and hurt feelings are quickly forgotten and easily forgiven. They'll be on the phone chattering away just an hour or so after a serious argument.
For my family, the struggle comes from dealing with the fact that she isn't exactly who she used to be. It's like looking at a well-loved picture, only to find it shifting, changing, almost imperceptibly, day by day.
We must accept that her memory lapses - so puzzling because she'd ask the same question four times in 10 minutes, always forgetting the answer - are not a strange ploy for attention (and thus a cognizant behavioural choice), but rather a true dysfunction of her mind.
I have no real answers for dealing with the situation. For my part, I am committed, at the very least, to letting my relative know she is loved.
I remember calling her in October 2007 to let her know that I love her, something I realised I hadn't done in a while.
"I know, Jill," she said in response.
She said this with such certainty that I understood she clearly knew what I had declared to her.
And, she seemed to be saying, no matter how bad her dementia gets, it's something she won't easily be forgetting anytime soon.
I still tell her every time I see her. Just in case. Chinese New Year is certainly another opportunity to remind her again.
For more my paper stories click here.
