updated 3 Mar 2011, 14:42
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Sun, Feb 27, 2011
The Star/ANN
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Indecent proposal

LAST December, my boyfriend and I broke up after he impregnated a woman. They were to get married. Both of us are Chinese.

We stopped contacting each other but this month, he called, asking if I'd want to be his second wife. He told me he loves both of us - his future wife and me. He vowed to keep the affair a secret.

Of course I turned down his proposal. It's polygamy! I reminded him that a polygamous marriage would bring betrayal, jealousy and unfairness between the wives and children. But he said he'd find ways to resolve those matters.

Should I tell his future wife of his intention to get a second wife, to teach him a lesson? I'm afraid that even if I reject him, he will go to another to start an affair. And more women will be cheated.

I also wish to let his future wife see his true colours so that she won't suffer in the future. What if she finds out only after marriage what kind of man her husband truly is? She will surely be very upset and may commit suicide or have a mental breakdown. Her child might be hurt too.

Rainbow Colour Bus

DESPITE the breakup and betrayal that would have shattered any woman, you seem surprisingly strong, resilient and rational. Instead of hating this guy who broke your heart and feeling enraged and vengeful towards the woman who got him, you are actually worried about her future with your ex!

Of course you do not want to be second wife to a weak, useless character who cheated on you. Asking that you be his secret second wife is adding insult to injury. Does he think that you are so stupid and gullible that you would fall for his empty promises and lies again?

A man like him has no conscience or he would not have hurt you so badly. He is selfish, irresponsible and completely self-centred. He has obviously never considered the consequences of his actions in suggesting this ridiculous proposal.

However, you should not be the one to tell his future bride about him. Your good intentions could be misconstrued as the desperate act of a woman scorned. If she had known about you before she got involved and pregnant, then she should be wary of the man she is marrying. If he could cheat on you, he might do the same again.

You should tell this fellow that he must stop doing this. Playing with your feelings, suggesting such an indecent option is unfair to you and his bride and child. Tell him off, do not spare him. He must be told that there is no hope where you are concerned.

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