SEX Partner learnt about her husband's affair with his girlfriend of seven years (Dear Thelma, Heart & Soul, Jan 23) over a year ago and says, "... I know now is that he does not love me anymore".

When I found out about my husband's affair a few years ago, I was devastated. Time heals and now I can look back and share my experience.

First, when someone has an affair, he no longer loves his spouse, or he would not cause her such pain. Also, he does not care what happens to her - my husband even told me to jump from the balcony!

This is for the ladies: be very careful of widows, divorcees or single women. They could be looking for someone for company, or, better still, marriage.

My husband's mistress is a widow, older than I am. She pretended to be my friend at first and invited him to her house while her children were at work. So ladies, accompany your husband for activities whenever possible. Given a chance, some single women will approach unattached married man, and friendship could blossom into romance.

I believe my husband did not have an affair in mind initially, but with encouragement and constant close contact, he just gave in to the temptation.

Don't think old people don't fall in love. My husband was 60 when he had the affair. And looks don't count.

I found true friends who helped me get through the painful period. They listened and empathised, and encouraged me.

It took me two years to recover from the affair. One day I just told myself, enough is enough - I'm not going to let someone's action make my life miserable. I started to love myself, take care of myself and put myself first in my marriage. I learnt to forgive my husband and his mistress and let things go.

Slowly, I laughed more and became happier. I don't depend on my husband for my happiness anymore. I know I have to be strong and independent.

It is advisable for a lady to be financially independent; it's a great boost to know you need not depend on him for your survival.

The sad thing about infidelity is that things between my husband and me are not like before. There is no more love or trust.

What we have now is companionship or friendship. At least we still exist amicably.

Things happen for a reason. To be fair, my marriage might not have been ideal. I can see now that I did take my husband and a lot of things for granted. I thought he would always be there for me, thus his betrayal was a shattering experience.

What I have learnt is that marriage is just like a seedling or plant; it needs love and constant care to make it grow. What we sow we reap.

Now I do things and communicate in a way that will bring harmony to my marriage, and be a pleasant person to be with, for my husband, children, friends or strangers. I've become a better person.

That doesn't mean infidelity is good - avoid it at all costs! Work things out or seek a marriage counsellor if you think your marriage has problems.

Do not embark on the exciting but devasting journey of infidelity. Some cases do end in divorce, but the injured spouse will always remember. I forgive but can't forget!