FORCED into an arranged marriage at the age of 17, Aminah discovered that love could never exist in a home that was plagued with financial problems.

She was barely out of secondary school then, while her 19-year-old husband (now ex-husband) was jobless and was addicted to drugs.

"We didn't even know each other very well. The situation was quite complex. We were accused of khalwat (close proximity) although nothing had 'happened'.


"But, because we lived in a kampung, there was a hue and cry about it and our families forced us into a marriage to save face," she said in an interview in Kuala Lumpur yesterday.


The pressure caused her ex-husband to take out his frustrations on her.

"He first slapped me on the second day of our marriage. From then, it escalated. I sustained a broken leg and broken toes. The beating never stopped even when I got pregnant with my first daughter three months later," said Aminah (not her real name).


At first, they lived on her savings. When the money ran out, her ex-husband would take up jobs as a waiter or despatch rider, but they would never last for more than a week.

Aminah was forced to sell kueh at nearby schools to pay the rent for their apartment room.

At one point, she was also juggling two jobs -- as a restaurant helper in the day and a cashier at night.


Once Aminah's confinement period was over, she had no one to take care of her daughter and the child was left with her elder sister.

"I had my second daughter two years later. This was when I made the mistake of assuming that my ex-husband would change for the better. I was wrong. I felt very down. Despite the fact that he continued to be the way he was, I blamed myself for all that happened to us."

However, Aminah said that her ex-husband did not lay a finger on their children at all.

During that period, following the birth of the children, the mothers of the couple became more accepting of the situation.

Since their finances were still bad, Aminah's former mother-in-law took care of their second daughter.

The turning point in Aminah's life came during the fourth year of her marriage when her ex-husband injured her in the wrist with a knife during a squabble. It resulted in her getting 20 stitches.

"Every day, I tried to make the best of my situation. There was a time when we only ate eggs and nothing else for a whole month. Boiled, sunny side up, you name it. But, after the knife incident, I told myself that I must get a divorce."

They were separated for a year as her ex-husband refused to sign the divorce papers.

When he did so a year later, Aminah finally tasted freedom.

"The first thing I did was to get an education. I worked during the day and studied at night. I got a diploma, a degree and then my master's degree.

"Right now, I am getting my second master's degree in project management," said Aminah, who is now 31. She works as a product manager for a local firm.

After two divorces, Aminah married for a third time.

She now lives with her two daughters from her first marriage and a 2-year-old girl she adopted with her husband last year.

"My only regret was not being able to see my little girls as they grew up. I missed their 'first' everything because all my time was spent trying to earn a living. In some ways, I am happy that I can now have the 'full' motherhood experience with my adopted daughter.

"During my marriage, times were tough. However, I never wanted to give up although it was a situation I did not ask for. I am stronger now.

"My advice to teenagers who want to get married is not to rush into it -- because when you lose sight of other things, you end up losing opportunities and your freedom.

"You end up making too many sacrifices."