updated 24 Dec 2010, 21:43
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Thu, Sep 23, 2010
New Straits Times
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A man's perspective on love
by Aidi Amin

CHILDREN show off their feelings unabashedly. There is a lot we can learn from them.

More often than not, I get cornered by friends -- girls -- once madly in love with their boyfriends but now swear they hate their guts. I will end up becoming the emotional punching bag for these distraught women.

Asked what brought about the massive "paradigm shift" in their feelings, these girls would say that they did not get a favourable response when they asked their boyfriends "What are we?" after a few weeks of dating.

Indeed, status is important. It is everything. For status, nations are willing to go to war. Women, and sometimes men, would go to great lengths to have the status of their relationships defined.

What is the definition of a relationship after dating for a certain period of time?

Social media sites such as Facebook have a convenient method for people to define their relationships. One can change the status in a split second, and sometimes without much thought. Many don't dwell on its significance. One can be "single", "in a relationship", or leave the status as "it's complicated" on Facebook. But if a guy's status remains "single" after dating someone for a while, the girl he is seeing might become frustrated and start having doubts.

But truth be told, contrary to what most women think, guys are not insensitive creatures. We are just practical.

And our actions often speak louder than words. Men are creatures of habit. Observe the way we treat you. Does your man lend you moral support? Is he reliable? Does he leave you in the lurch in times of need?

I believe that relationships should never be divided into stages. If you think your man is delaying commitment then ask yourself, "Am I happy with him?"

Relationships are not meant to be perfect. Conflict is healthy. It can strengthen a relationship if resolved properly.

Always ask yourself why you embarked on this journey with this guy in the first place.

Women must also know this -- as much as a guy might love you, it will dissipate if you keep on forcing him to do things against his will. Every time we resign ourselves to your wishes or accede to them, resentment will build up.

There are the men who abhor the word "commitment", but most just want to know more about the women they are going out with before they choose to settle down and make her the mother of their children. Until then, these men might "multi-date". During this period, they might keep a certain distance and be non-committal.

Bear with them. If they see a future with you, they will bare all in time.

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