I’m in my early 40s, working and living abroad with a guy for almost 10 years now with our 7-year-old child.

He had told me when we first got together that he had a live-in partner in the Philippines and wasn’t sure if he had fathered a son.

He said it could have been by another guy, as this woman had also daughters from some other guy. He also said that he and this woman had a mock marriage which unfortunately turned out to be real and registered with the NSO.

Although I am almost sure he had not had any communication with her in my watch, my conscience has been bothering me.

Firstly, I am guilty that when I go to communion, I think about our relationship that has not been blessed by the church. I am deeply religious.

Secondly, I feel bad thinking that if ever my husband truly fathered a son or sons by this woman, how are they surviving? I’ve been troubled about this relationship, especially when I saw her and all her kids on Facebook. I saw a picture of two boys with a close resemblance to my partner.

I don’t want my child and I having a good life while those kids are not having the same.

Everyone thinks we are very happy. But I want out of this relationship and then, I think of my child and stop. This is a huge burden for me.

—CONCERNED

No matter what a softie you are and how commendable your empathy for these kids are—considering they may not even be your husband’s—you must walk your talk. Feelings without action is useless. Tell him exactly about your various guilt trips and let him decide what he can do to alleviate it from his end. If you make him believe that you have a truly generous heart, willing to accept his past lies and other transgressions—he might open up and tell you his innermost secrets—beginning with these kids. Give him space to maneuver, enough to save face and manhood.

If there is still room to change some things in this relationship, refrain from thinking that the only solution is out! Why throw away something that still seems redeemable? Why destroy three lives when only one has to be smoothed out?

And don’t worry your pretty head or even lose sleep over your unmarried status.

As the writer W. Somerset Maugham, as the voice of the Eternal One, facetiously wrote: I have often wondered why men think I attach so much importance to sexual irregularity. If they read my works more attentively, they would see that I have always been sympathetic to that kind of human frailty... I cannot but allow, on this occasion combining happily my All-Power with my All-Goodness. End quote.

Bottom line—give more credit to the Almighty. I don’t believe His mind is as constipated, as we portray Him to be.