Sure, you always try to make a great impression. But you may unwittingly be making these common moves that send a guy the wrong signal - and even scare him off. It’s best to delay the “real you” stuff until later in the relationship.

1.    Dressing inappropriately
Show up in your jeans and t-shirt for sushi, and you're saying you don't care what your date thinks about how you look. Wear a cocktail dress complete with feather boa when you meet him at the corner burger joint and you're saying you're confused. Ask where you're going to meet, and if you're uncertain about the ambience, ask how dressy the place is. Oh, and remember the stilettos!

2.    Unraveling how much you’re deep in debt
No matter how tempting, topics revolving around credit-card companies, parents or loan sharks should be avoided at all costs. When you tell a guy you're having money trouble, what the guy hears is, "You’re looking for someone to bail you out." This isn't fair on the part of the guy, it might not be realistic, but it's what a guy hears.

3.    Mentioning medication and disease
This one's easy. No talking about anti-depressants or pre-menstrual prescriptions meds etc. Many women seem to feel they need to be "upfront" about this kind of thing. Also best to leave out sleeping pills, anti-fungals and the stuff you take for acid reflux. If the relationship progresses, there will be plenty of time to share that stuff, later.

4.    Analyzing the ex
This one is difficult to avoid, as it's a common question posed by your date. The preferred posture here is one of mild regret, hard-earned wisdom and cool disinterest. "We were headed in different directions" works, as does "I think I'm a different person now, interested in different things." Are those vague and murky? A little, but I promise you that the guy will be relieved that he’s not hearing…"He was a cruel old man, and I will never allow myself to be treated like that again," and/or, “What was he thinking? Cheating on me with his wife?!” When you bad-mouth your exes without taking any blame yourself for the failure of the relationship, men think you're a woman who doesn't take responsibility. And that would make you mildly attractive.

5.    Dirty talk
Here are a few statements that you should avoid like the plague on a first date:

 - "I don't understand when women put out on the first date and never hear from 
    the guy again. Every guy who's ever done me has liked me more afterwards."

 - "I'm multi-orgasmic."

 - “I’m flexible, are you?”

These are not things that make men run in the opposite direction. On the contrary, these are statements that make men even more interested. Truth is, men can only focus on one issue at a time.   So when the men are paying attention to the promise of sexual bliss, they have a difficulty focusing on your dreams and hopes and ambitions and the real you. So you might want to hold the sex stuff for later.


Anisa Hassan is the owner and Managing Director of It’s Just Lunch (Singapore and Bangkok). For more information on how she can help you find “good men”, you can visit www.itsjustlunchsingapore.com and www.itsjustlunchbangkok.com

Have a question about how to make that guy notice you, or why your love life isn't progressing? Send us your query at [email protected] with subject header "Diva dates", and we'll get Anisa to answer back.