I AM in my late 50s, my wife is retired and I would like to be, too. Our daughter is married and the two younger boys are studying.

Life was quite normal for us until recently, when I got involved in a business that wiped out all my money.

My skeleton in the cupboard is this woman I’ve been with from before I married. I have cared for her as much as I could. She has retired for some time now and is living quite comfortably on her EPF savings.

Some years ago, I contributed towards her buying a house. A few months back, I borrowed some money from her. Recently, I asked for another smaller sum as I was broke. I told her that I was going to dispose of one of my houses and pay her back soon.

What happened broke my heart. She said some unkind, very hurtful stuff; it felt like she had stuck a knife into my guts and was twisting and turning it. I’d expected that she would be uncomfortable with my second request, but I never expected that she would treat me like dirt.

We have stopped being intimate for some time now and she is hardly loving anymore. Has she grown out of her feelings for me? Is she just using me to run her errands?

My immediate thoughts are that she does not care for me anymore. If so, should I leave her although she has sacrificed her life for me?

Deeply Hurt

DO you blame this woman for trying to protect what she has left for her old age? She is only your mistress, a secret without security should anything happen to you.

However, you would know best if she has been using you for her own end all these years. If love has waned and passion cooled because you have lost all your money, then you should not have any qualms about leaving her. But she did loan you the sum of money when you first asked. Did you expect her to keep on giving you money without worrying if you are using her, just as you suspect her of doing the same?

Be reasonable and stop thinking only of yourself. If you are going through a bad patch in your business venture, do not look for someone to blame.

Do you feel like sex and intimacy in your current frame of mind? A woman is sensitive and responsive to moods. If you are constantly depressed and harassed, she will not try to corner you for a romp in bed. Besides, libido drops with stress and age.

Perhaps you have come to the last crossroads in your life. You are still married. The children are grown up and soon, you may be a grandfather. Do you still want a skeleton in your closet, or are you looking for a way out now?