You know the old saying: First you sink into his arms, then you end up with your arms in his sink?

For generations of women, this has been the case. First comes the courtship and the romance. Flush with happiness, you both settle into domestic bliss. Then one day you wonder why he's sitting there watching football or playing Farmville on Facebook while you're the one cleaning up after dinner.

I have a thing about men who think it's their God-given right to sit back while the womenfolk bustle around, cleaning up after them.

It comes from a childhood watching my long-suffering mother cook, dust, mop, clean, wash clothes (by hand), fold clothes, wash windows, ad infinitum. My father, a traditional Chinaman, never washed a dish in his life, let alone sweep the floor.

I grew up swearing: This kind of life is not for me.

Then you meet someone and you sink into his arms and then... But no, I am not going to end up with my arms in his sink. I will Train Him to do chores.

I started by asking: Why do so many men have problems doing chores?

This issue, by the way, is backed by research showing that women do more hours of chores than men, even if she works longer hours and earns more.

One 2008 study in the United States found that single women with no children did 10 hours of chores a week; if married with no children, they put in 17 hours. The conclusion: Husbands created seven hours of chores a week.

Why don't men do chores?

One: They were raised to ignore them. It's their mothers' faults. And all the women in their lives who let them get away with it.

Not this woman, I swore. I hate household chores as much as the next man (or woman). This is why I studied hard and got a job, so I could afford to pay someone else to do domestic chores.

I have part-time cleaners once a week. But someone still has to wash up, tidy the flat, pick up stuff. If I can train myself to do all that, so can a man.

Another theory says men avoid chores because they're too difficult.

How do you expect the clueless male to know that your new cotton hand-painted blouse shouldn't go into the washer he has just proudly learnt to switch on, but has to be ironed on the reverse side, first to seal the colour, soaked in a salt-vinegar water solution overnight to make it colour-fast, hand-washed with special detergent in cold water and then laid flat (not hung) to dry?

Yet another group of men will swear they will do chores, if chores were less boring and more challenging.

After all, men do get a kick out of doing some chores, especially those requiring mean-looking tools with many spare bits. My home has all kinds of nifty shelves and fixtures.

I didn't even have to nag the man to do these. In fact, if I didn't stop him, there would be a mechanised laundry-drying system on rolling tracks, a DIY aquarium and other contraptions around.

So maybe men will be motivated to pick their clothes off the floor and keep the home tidy, if these could be done with complicated machines?

"Would you pick up after yourself," I asked, "if there were a complicated, difficult-to-operate machine that only you knew how to handle, that would do the job?"

"Oh yes," he said. "I know such a machine." A grin and he pressed an imaginary button on my forehead.

Men's fantasies to the contrary, a woman is not a machine to do chores.

Whatever the reasons, many women know it's difficult to get men to even notice the chores that need to be done, let alone do them.

What's a working woman to do to win the Chores Wars and keep her sanity?

Learn from military strategy and fight the battle.

A favourite tactic used by women is Cold War.

Go on an offensive to show up how Chorelessness is really the Axis of Evil. Go on strike. Stop cleaning up till the house becomes a pigsty and he notices.

Don't restock household essentials - one day there'll be no more toilet paper while he's on the throne. Engage in psychological warfare: Remind him of every little thing you do, and every little thing he forgets to do.

But bear in mind that Cold War very quickly degenerates into an unhealthy tit for tat, the domestic equivalent of the arms race.

A domestic Cold War can spiral out of control and end up in Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD). This is nuclear brinksmanship: You launch your missile, I launch mine, and mutual destruction is assured. MAD does solve the problem - by dissolving the marriage or relationship.

This is good if you reckon not doing enough chores is a deal-breaker. But if you still want the relationship, consider Guerilla Warfare instead.

Cajole, trick, beguile him into doing his share of chores. The cycle goes like this: Tell him what needs to be done, patiently, clearly, as though talking to a child. Explain why it matters to you. Chances are, if he loves you, he will want to try.

Next, draw up To-Do lists and put them all over the house. Then remind him anyway. When he remembers even one item on that list of 10, praise lavishly and give little treats (as you would a child).

When he still doesn't get around to the other nine, remind him again. Repeat and go back to the first step in the cycle.

One day, it may become second nature. But don't hold your breath.

If Cold War and Guerilla Warfare don't work, there is the centuries-old tactic of Truce. Draw the equivalent of the 38th Parallel line and divvy up chores.

Accept that he does certain things around the house and you do others. I can change lightbulbs, handle a screwdriver and use icky, gooey stuff to fix stuff, but it gets my hands dirty and makes me feel sorry for myself.

I also dislike doing laundry and tidying up, but they are the lesser of the two lists of evils. I resign myself to having to do more of some chores than others.

Is this a cop-out? I guess so.

But one thing is for sure: I'm still not going to end up with my arms in his sink. I do some chores, but draw the 38th Parallel at others.

I dislike washing dishes. Each time I pick up another piece of clothing from the floor, I remember the many times I leave my own dishes unwashed in the sink. And the way they get washed, miraculously, each time.

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This article was first published in The Straits Times.