I AM 57 and have four children. I married M shortly after my ex dumped me.

My wife got pregnant within the first month of marriage, so we made love only a few times and didn’t do so again until several months after our child was born. We also didn’t have sex every time she was pregnant with our other children.

She was a virgin when we married and knew nothing about sex – unfortunately I was rough with her on our wedding night and she has never enjoyed sex since.

I never forgot my ex and I went back to her after my marriage and we continued a sexual relationship. This relationship has carried on until now as I enjoy sessions with her more than with my wife.

However, I discovered that my wife had become a good lover. I also noticed her neck and breasts covered with love bites. I am sure she is having an affair. What should I do?

Y

FRANKLY, what can you say when you started the problem? You married your wife on the rebound and she has probably never known love, tenderness and sincerity from you.

Perhaps she has finally found sexual satisfaction and emotional fulfillment from a gentle, caring lover who deserves more of her than you?

She must be aware of your affair for her to be so bold about hers. She is a woman who has found pleasure in her body and she wants you to know it.

Unless you believe that life can go on as it is, you have to talk to her and thrash things out. At this moment, you seem stunned by your wife’s behaviour. You even seem to enjoy her sexuality although her affair irks you.

This is a woman you are unfamiliar with for she is no longer the passive, rigid and unresponsive woman you found so lacking in bed. But is it all about sex?

Sadly, too many marriages have lost their intrinsic values. We vow to love, honour and be honest with our partners, but we so easily betray and hurt. And when we are stressed, disappointed, angry and unhappy, we feel justified when we cheat and lie.

Should we continue to lie to ourselves, our partners, our children? Or do we do the right thing and come clean with our souls?