I AM in my 60s, married and have two children. Thirty-three years ago, before I got married, I was in love with L for six years. We almost had sex.

Later, I married R whom my mother wanted me to marry before she died due to illness. Although I got married, sweet memories of my ex-girlfriend L are still in my mind because I deeply love her.

Last year, I met her again when she came to invite me to her daughter’s wedding and she asked for my phone number. A few days later, we met and she told me she was divorced. Now, we arrange to meet once a month for coffee or dinner.

It’s been going on like this for 1½ years. We talk about our past relationships, but have never had sex. We text each other three times a day.

But things changed after she visited her son – she doesn’t SMS or answer my call. I miss her a lot and wonder what has happened to her. What do you think?

SK

If a woman does not respond to your calls and SMS, chances are she does not want to be found. After 18 months of secret meetings and daily contact, she has decided to disappear from your life after a visit to her son.

Perhaps she suddenly woke up to the fact that getting involved with you could bring havoc and unhappiness to family and relatives. She would be the third party in your marriage, the woman responsible for causing hurt and grief to another. She was married before and would know the deep pain of betrayal. She is a mother to grown-up children and would want to protect them from ugly scandals and rumours. Although the relationship with you has remained platonic, there is still the guilt of secret betrayal as both of you could never be open about this friendship.

You are now in your 60s and not unhappily married. Although yours was not a love match, your wife does not deserve the haunting of your memories from the past. You loved L but you had both taken different paths. You did not have the courage then to fight for love so why hanker and dream of love lost and best forgotten?

However, some may feel that it is never too late to find love again. The romantic souls would want a happy ending for thwarted lovers who suffered years of being unwillingly married to partners chosen for them. Yet never forget the consequences of actions. Your decision in giving in to your mother’s choice created today’s situation. If you should choose to continue a clandestine relationship with L, what would the future be?