Q: I’M 48, married for 25 years and have two sons, aged 21 and 14. I had watched my parents fight over money and told myself never to let it ruin my marriage.

For 27 years, I’ve earned a good income, only to realise there is another factor to a happy marriage – intimacy.

I was pre-occupied with my career, which involved lots of travelling, and raising the kids. I was usually too tired to be intimate or make love. My husband could not bring himself to tell me how unhappy he was about this. It became his excuse for an affair.

For the past 10 years, he has used her to fill the void in his life. Reality struck when I found out that they had been meeting over lunch and at night all these years.

I was so hurt that I spent one night at a friend’s home to think things over. It was only when I walked out the door that he realised I existed and that he loved me.

I am very independent, strong at work and in business. Yet I was crumbled by the emotional betrayal by the only man I’ve ever loved since 15. I keep crashing after picking myself up.

He admitted he has screwed up and has asked for my forgiveness and another chance. Can I still love a man after 10 years of betrayal?

He’s trying very hard to win my heart back. He comes home earlier and spends more time with me. He hugs and kisses me now, something he had not done for so long, I could not remember how it felt.

But I can feel her between us. My heart is broken. He expects me to be strong, to forget the past and move on. Is he worth it?

Severely Broken-Hearted Wife

A: IT is always painful when you face betrayal of love and trust. No matter how strong and stoic your character, you are soft and vulnerable when hit with the truth you least expect.

However, you admit that you’ve been too busy to nourish your love and marriage. Working hard for financial security, you never realised that you were neglecting your man emotionally and physically. Driven by your past, you assumed that money could sustain love, peace and harmony in the family.

While your husband should have talked to you about his feelings earlier instead of seeking solace in the arms of another woman, do not expect that he shoulder the entire blame. Would he have the courage then to fault you, a successful wife, for being tired, cold and distant?

But he does obviously love you and is trying very hard to save the marriage. If you do not want to lose your family, you must now rally your inner strength and resilience for your marriage and kids.

You will not heal immediately as you’re still suffering the shock of pain and grief. You cannot bear to look at your husband without evoking horrible thoughts of him and the other woman.

But you cannot continue to torture yourself and your husband with your misery. You need to be determined to save your future.

Talk to your man. Let him know that you will not allow three people in your marriage. But you must not be totally hard and unforgiving. He needs to know that you love him and care enough to salvage the pieces. Give each other time and space to rebuild the relationship because things will never be the same again. You need to come to a different level of understanding and compromise because you will be haunted by the darkness of his betrayal for a long time.

Some marriages become stronger, more stable after the storm. Never allow bitterness and blame to shadow your lives. If your guy is doing the best he can to show his love, then you must swallow your pain and pride to reciprocate.

Plan a romantic holiday and switch off your cellphones. Shut out business and the other woman so that you can enjoy uninterrupted bliss and passion. Show him how much you both have been missing, emotionally and physically.

You deserve a better life after working so hard for so long. He deserves more of his wife after 25 years of being second best in your marriage. Give each other a chance for love now.