EVEN dating expert Violet Lim, 29, had problems getting her hubby to talk.

The co-founder of dating company Lunch Actually used to go home hoping to talk about her day with her husband.

But all hubby wanted to do was sit and watch TV. She said: “Initially, I was very frustrated because I thought that he wasn’t interested in knowing more of how my day went.

“I thought he was stonewalling me. But when we learnt more about gender differences, I realised this was his way of replicating what his ancestors used to do – ‘fire gazing after a long day of hunting’, and he realised I just needed to talk to bond with him.”

And this, Mr Allan Pease noted, is the biggest problem with Asian men – they are not very communicative.

He said: “Western men and European men are more communicative because they have been trained to be. They weren’t like this before, but with political correctness and the feminist movement, if you don’t communicate with women, you’re going to be pretty lonely.

“Asian men, in terms of communication, definitely sit near the bottom of the list.”

Why? Men are generally less communicative.

And until recently, Asian men didn’t have to be communicative in relationships.

But the younger generation of Singaporean men is getting better at communicating.

Ms Lim has noticed the change – she is seeing more male clients who are eloquent and can express themselves well.

Tables turned

Ms Cynthia Lee, director of Exclusive Match, said women rarely tell her that their dates are too quiet.

“In fact, some of the men give feedback saying that the ladies are too quiet,” she added.

Said Ms Ada Wong, 31, co-founder of dating agency The Dating Loft: “Observe the girlfriend – what makes her smile like sunshine?

“Is it when you tell her she looks great? Is it when you give her a nice gift? Or is it when you hold her hands and hug her? Or when you make an effort to spend time with her? Or do things for her?

“A relationship grows with communication and trials.”

Mr Pease’s advice?

Talk more and learn to listen.

He said: “The most powerful words you can use as a man are ‘Tell me more’. And she will!”

However, he joked that listening to a woman talk for long periods can make a man “want to slit his throat”.

He talks to his wife Barbara via a webcam when he is travelling alone.

When Barbara is offloading her issues, he sometimes puts the camera under the TV so it looks like he’s paying attention when he’s actually watching Law And Order, he joked.

But what should a man do if the wife or girlfriend asks a question?

His tip: Ask her to repeat the exact question, with the details.

Now you know.

This article was first published in The New Paper