MALAYSIA - I’VE been with my girlfriend for six years. She graduated and went back to her hometown to work but I stayed on in university because I’d done badly and had to extend my course.

It was tough keeping in touch by phone and we only met every three to four months because of financial constraints. Then I got a job and we were able to meet every two months. It was hard working and studying, and the air fare was killing me. But I never complained because I was willing to make sacrifices for our relationship.

Trouble began when her colleague became attracted to her. I noticed a change in her feelings towards me – she hardly spoke or shared things anymore.

On Valentine’s Day, she told me she wanted to leave me for the other guy.

I had planned to spend that special weekend with her, after which I would propose, on her birthday!

When I asked her why, she said I was not always by her side when she needed someone, I did not understand what she wanted, and I did not show enough care and concern ...

Has she ever thought if I felt the same way too? Who am I supposed to turn to when I need someone by my side? When I’m working like hell, she’s enjoying herself with another guy!

I feel so betrayed and annoyed. I’ve been having sleepless nights and cannot concentrate on my work or studies. I’m not prepared, and definitely am not willing, to let her go. What should I do now?

Broken into a million pieces

DO you have a choice? Can you force her to stay because you are not willing to let her go? Sure, you made umpteen sacrifices and spent most of your hard-earned money to hold the relationship. Perhaps it wasn’t enough.

Your anger, disappointment and frustration are justified. What’s worse is the pain of losing the woman you expected to marry. But she has her reasons for breaking off. A long distance relationship is always difficult and she found someone during your absence. It does seem cold, calculating and callous on her part but perhaps love could not be sustained under stress.

Many relationships fail the test of time, trial and tribulations. Forcing the issue will only bring you more pain. You could talk to her again, try to move her heart. But if it proves futile, then accept it. You cannot do more when her mind has been made up and she will not be swayed. However, contain your rage and bitterness. Do not end a relationship in anger and hatred because you suffer the destructive consequences.

If you love someone so much, allow her to go with good memories and peace in her heart. Forgive so that you, too, can soon find your own fulfilment and happiness.