FORMER actress Huang Biren was blubbering backstage to the media after winning the All-Time Favourite Artiste award in the Star Awards on Sunday night.

Nothing out of the ordinary, perhaps.

But unlike the many other glamorous ones who shed a delicate tear or two at their wins, Biren's tears were not of joy.

She was choked with emotion several times during the interview, and even turned away from reporters once in a valiant attempt to contain her grief.

The 40-year-old had suddenly turned red-eyed when she mentioned her late father, who had died on 9 Feb this year.

Special date

The date is especially poignant as it was also the 15th day of the Chinese New Year - an important day for the Chinese.

What may have sparked off her emotional outburst could have been something as simple as the colour of her trophy.

She said: 'I showed my father my Star Award trophy every year that I won as the colour of the trophy was different each year.'

She added that her father had promised to take their family to Star Awards to see her get her trophy.

The All-Time Favourite Artiste award is an honour given to an artiste who had won the Top 10 Most Popular Artiste award 10 times.

Even though she retired from showbiz in June last year, Biren was invited to the annual gala event to receive the award.

Even the date of the celebration - 26 Apr - triggered off a new wave of tears for her.

'I just remembered that today's date is the same as my father's niche number 0426.'

The mother of two also admitted tearfully that she had recently dreamt of her father.

It was the same dream that her whole family had dreamt earlier, even her maid.

All except her.

'I thought it was really unfair because my father doted on me the most. Then why hadn't he let me dream of him?'

Her wish finally came true.

One week earlier, Biren dreamt of her father.

The dream appeared to be of some comfort to Biren even as it reminded her of her loss.

Like in previous years, she now planned to take her new trophy to her father, even if only to his ashes at the Mandai Columbaria.

Biren cheered up considerably when talking about her two children Justin, 9, and Janessa, 14months.

It was with some pride that she recounted how Janessa is so close to her that the wee one would babble 'mama' every time she was around.

Though she's settling nicely into playing a housewife and stay-home mum, she admitted she did miss getting a salary in the first few months of her retirement.

As for whether she'll return to acting, she said she'll return to acting when she hears a 'calling'.

This article was first published in The New Paper