Q My husband and I have a good relationship with my 19-year-old daughter, but we would like her to open up more about a boy she is seeing. How do we do that?

A: Like most late adolescents, your daughter is navigating the path of relating to the opposite sex - a stepping stone to finding a life partner.

During this time, it is likely that she feels the need for space and privacy as she works out her relationship with the boy.

While it is natural for parents to be concerned and want to be in the know about their children's choice of close friends, it is better not to force the situation and put pressure on the relationship by your need to know.

A good approach to take for now is to continue creating an atmosphere that makes her feel safe to come to you under any circumstances.

Here, I am talking about non-reactive parenting, where your daughter can feel confident about telling you anything and know that you will not react by losing your head and lashing out at her.

Once your daughter feels safe, she will be forthcoming with more information.

When conversation occurs, create a casual and safe environment by sharing about your own experiences.

For example, talk to her about your own dating days, what was on your mind when relating to boys and how you eventually decided that her father was the one.

If your daughter opens up, remember to manage your emotions - stay calm. Gather more information by asking neutral questions and use active listening skills.

For instance, observe her behaviour and body language while she speaks, as well as her words. They will help you develop a more accurate understanding of her message.

To show that you are genuinely interested in what she is saying, acknowledge and paraphrase what she says to you.

The message you want to send out is this: "This topic can be talked about - we are interested in hearing and respecting your ideas on close friendship and an eventual life partner. Should there be differences, let's see how we can iron them out."

Of course, it helps that you and your husband are on the same page and talking about how to manage your daughter.

You get support from each other and model what you would like to see from your daughter's relationship.

Mr Vijoo George, who answered this question, is a counsellor with Reach Counselling, the counselling arm of Reach Community Services Society.

Get a copy of The Straits Times or go to straitstimes.com for more stories.