Veteran actress Tan Kheng Hua, 50, shares eight lessons she’s learnt about motherhood, while her daughter, Lim Shi-An, 15, weighs in on growing up with a famous (and somewhat unorthodox) mum.

1 TRUST YOUR KIDS

They're smarter than you give them credit for – Shi-An has shown me that she can make good decisions without any hand-holding. For instance, she can sleep at any time she wants, as long as she shows my husband (Lim) Yu Beng and me that her schoolwork is fi ne, and no teacher complains that she's inattentive in class.

2 DON'T FUSS OVER THEM

Our family loves to gather at mealtimes. So even when Shi-An was a baby, she'd sit in her baby chair and join us. We didn't have a domestic helper to feed her, and we never fussed over her to make sure she wasn't spilling her food.

If we'd done that, we couldn't have engaged in dinner conversation. And that was what we wanted her to learn - that family mealtimes are about enjoying and engaging with one another. Today, she has no problem sitting with adults and taking part in the conversation.

3 KNOW HOW TO BE A FRIEND…

I enjoy being around Shi-An and I love hearing what she has to say or about what she's done during the day.

She knows this, and it lets her feel comfortable with me and enjoy my company.

4… AND HOW TO BE A MOTHER

But if she does something wrong, I'm no pushover. For instance, if she acts bored when I talk to her, I tell her: 'Did you know you were looking extremely disinterested when Mummy was talking?' We used to make her sit in a corner to reflect on her mistakes when she was younger.

She'd sit still for as long as she was being punished, even if she needed to pee (laughs).

5 THEY'RE MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU THINK

It's tempting to give your kids instructions or do everything for them. But you have to let them learn to be independent.

Shi-An first travelled without us when she was eight. She went to Prague with her school to compete in an international choir competition.

There were strict rules to minimise contact between parents and kids: We couldn't visit their hotel rooms and could only see them at competition events; we were only allowed to make one short phone call to check on them at night.

Yu Beng and I thought, 'Wow. Our eight-year-old is going to look after herself and all her belongings.' But things turned out fi ne and she had fun. When the parent volunteers told us how they'd asked Shi-An to turn her dirty panties inside out because she'd run out of underwear on her last two days, I told her, 'That's a great life lesson!' (laughs).

6 EMPATHISE, DON'T PRESSURISE

When Shi-An went to Primary Six, all we told her was that it was an important year and she'd have to study. She's a good student though not a straight-A one; she had tuition for all her subjects.

So I thought, 'She's pressured enough. The last thing she needs is for the people she loves to make it harder.' Throughout that year, we took her on many short trips - three to four days at a time - so she wouldn't remember her P6 year as only about cramming for exams.

7 KNOW WHEN TO TAKE A STEP BACK

I want Shi-An to always be in my life and I'd like to keep our doors to each other open. But I don't expect her to tell me everything, especially when she fi nds someone she loves.

That special someone would be more important to her. And I would be a horrible mum if I expected her to remain as close to me - I want her to enjoy her own life too.

8 KEEP CALM AND ENJOY BEING A PARENT

Being with Shi-An makes me feel relaxed. I try not to feel stressed about what kind of mother I want to be, and just go with the flow. 

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