updated 10 Jun 2013, 15:00
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Tue, Jun 04, 2013
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Ashamed over marital rape
by Maureen Koh

Madam Lim had confessed that she felt hatred and shame over the marital rape - and that the baby was a constant reminder of that.

She had been raped even though she had a personal protection order from a court to stop her ex-husband's sexual assaults.

She recalls those days when she continued to live with him and share the same bed: "I really loved my husband despite the rapes. I just didn't enjoy the sex".

As a clerk, she didn't earn much.

"I was frightened of living life alone. Really terrified by the thought of it. I didn't want to walk out of my comfort zone."

It got worse when she lost her job - she had been taking medical leave constantly and not turning up at work on occasions because she suffered from depression.

"After I lost my job, I became even more unwilling to leave him.

"He also threatened to cut off all allowances."

Her ex-husband, who is 10 years older than her, runs a provision store.

Madam Lim remains grateful to her former counsellor.

"If not for her, I would not have taken the steps to rebuild my life. Even when she left and passed my case on to another counsellor, she'd still keep in touch with me to see how I was faring."

She filed for divorce in 2010.

"I just didn't enjoy sex. If I had a choice, I'd avoid it completely. It was very difficult for me. I'd feel so tense before it and depressed after," she recalls.

Madam Lim's aversion to sex took a toll on her relationship with her ex-husband, whom she says was otherwise "not a bad person".

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