DEAR EMILY,
I've been married less than a year. I'm an only son to a mother who just got widowed. My mother has no living relatives, as well.
Aside from my wife, I am her only family.
I love my mother very much, and I see her as often as I can so she won't feel lonely and alone. She is very prone to depression. I want her to live with me and my wife in our house, but that's where my problems started.
My wife wouldn't hear of that suggestion. She does not want us to move into my mother's house so I can take care of her. She has also said that bad things are happening to me because of karma, and that I am a negative person.
I made the big decision of moving out of our house and taking care of my ailing and depressed mother. I feel that my wife has come up short in terms of supporting me in these times of trouble.
CONFUSED HUSBAND
Shouldn't you two still be in your honeymoon stage, all misty-eyed and lovey-dovey, trying to out-please each other in all ways possible? Or is that fantasy just in fairy tales? Have you already unleashed your fangs and claws in this short time together? Should they be coming out in matters of responsibility to a parent? Isn't that quite questionable?
Is the home you share with her too small that they'd be breathing down each other's necks or bumping into each other at every turn? Are they not friendly enough to breathe the same air in a room? Is your mother hard to get along with? Is your wife jealous of your close ties with her? Why is she mentioning this karma thing in relation to your mother? Aren't you, as a couple, even friendly with each other?
The fact that you've separated from your wife over something that could have been easily solved by a quiet discussion means your worry over your mother has overpowered you enough to let go of your wife.
Has she not considered the fact that your mother may not have much longer to live? Will it kill her to allow you to care for your mother for what may be left of her life? Isn't she proud of your devotion, and how you could have the same commitment to her in this marriage?
Your request to her isn't even whimsical! It's truly sad that your wife doesn't share your deep concern for your mother.
There's a saying: "A man can have as many wives as he possibly can. But he will only have one mother." Without children in tow, your mother is your only blood relative who will love you forever, come hell or high water. No ifs and buts there.
Ya... usually the wife will manipulate the husband to persuade his parents to sell HDB flat and then venture into condominium by putting he and his wife as the owners and parents as occupants. Then hor, when parents old already, cannot walk or become a burden to them, they will send the old parents to old folks home. In the end hor, the condominium belongs to he and his wife. Sad... lah.. things do happen. So, to all uncles and aunties out there, dont be stupid to fall into this type of trap.;)
Many sons, however, remember to makan their parents HDB flat.
Are you trying to tell us a story :
One mountain can have 2 母老虎???
Want me to tell you another story :
武松???
If wife and mother-in-law cannot agree who is to have the final say as WOMAN of the HOUSE, they cannot live together.
This woman may have tried to live with the mother when both parents are around. It is always the case when the woman will like to move out.
Why? The answer is because the woman is treated as an outside party and most blame will lie on the woman be it big or small. These seem to be very common. Always heard couple that they are being hinted to move out. Some will say, their heads are getting bigger.
Some smarter women will understand the situation first and decide whether to marry a not. That is why a separate home is important.
The effects come later. When one of the parent is not around, the emptiness comes it. The remaining party will not .....