IF YOU are a young adult caught in an abusive relationship, speak out and stop the violence.

This is the message that a charity group wants to send to those aged between 17 and 25 in a week-long awareness campaign starting today.

The Centre for Promoting Alternatives to Violence (Pave), working with a group of Nanyang Technological University students, will reach out to schools to educate students about such violence.

For teens and young adults seeking help after having abused or been abused by their partners, Pave is the place to turn to.

The charity, which specialises in counselling those affected by violence, handled more than 800 cases of violence last year, mostly cases of spousal abuse.

Its senior social worker Seah Kheng Yeow said the number of young people the centre helps is rising, though it is still small: Last year, the centre saw nine cases of dating violence, up from two in 2002.

Pave is concerned that those who resort to violent behaviour before marriage will continue to do so after.

Indeed, for 'quite a number' of married couples Pave has counselled, the violence began when the couples were dating, said Mrs Seah.

She added: 'We know that the problem is out there, but people don't know where to get help or even acknowledge they have been abused. It's not something people talk about, so we want to address this problem.'

A 21-year-old polytechnic student who wanted to be known only as Sean and his girlfriend were an example of a couple trapped in a cycle of violence that neither knew how to get out of.

Theirs was a stormy pairing, with him using his fists to settle arguments. Once, he even head-butted his girlfriend in the face, cutting her lips. She also fought back, scratching and hitting him.

He said: 'I know I shouldn't have hit her. At first, I would feel a lot of remorse, but after a while, the violence would become like a solution. Instead of sitting down to talk, we'd fight.'

Many of their fights began because each tried to control the other: She kept him away from friends that she did not approve of, and dictated what he wore; he did the same. 'When we argued, we couldn't think clearly and we broke all the promises we made,' he said.

After they ended their four-year relationship last December, Sean came across an online report about such relationships and realised that he needed help.

He sought counselling at Pave.

He said: 'I was tired of being like a monster to her and I don't want to repeat such behaviour.'

Mrs Seah said relationships between young adults often run into problems because of pre-conceived notions about how the other party should behave.

She added: 'These teens think that girls must listen to the men and guys should act macho. When things don't go their way, they hit their girlfriends.'

Another social worker, Ms Melissa Lim from the Students Care Service, said teen couples lack the emotional maturity to resolve their differences and often resort to controlling their partners' movements to overcome their insecurities.

She said: 'Teen relationships are usually a lot more volatile.'

Anyone who needs help can call Pave on 6555-0390.

This article was first published in The Straits Times on Feb 7, 2009.