Dear Thelma

I am 30 and still trying to find a good life. Recently, I was dismissed from work because I stole over RM500 (S$200) from my friend. I needed the cash to help out my ex-boyfriend, who needed it badly. I attended a domestic inquiry, was found guilty and dismissed. I also had to repay the money.

I was truly ashamed and promised to never do it again. Unfortunately, before this, I had also taken money - again to help out my ex-boyfriend - from my department's petty cash box. My former employer found out about it this week and called me to ask about that.

At first, I denied the theft. But then he threatened to have the police arrest me at my new workplace. I was so afraid, so I admitted to taking the cash. I told him I had no money to repay him at the moment as I have just started my new job.

My boss said he would fork out the money first, and I could pay him back at the end of the month.

He also warned me that if I did not pay him back or changed my mobile number, he would have the police arrest me at my workplace. He knows where I live.

I sent an SMS promising to repay him. I also apologised as I'm truly ashamed of what I've done and promised never to steal again.

But I'm still afraid that my ex-boss may change his mind and report me to the police and have me arrested.

My ex-boyfriend, who used up all the money I stole, has also left me. I'm so upset, scared and alone. I'm worried that I will lose my second job.

Guilty Gal

There are some questions you need to ask yourself. Why did you decide to steal the money instead of asking your friend if you could borrow it? Why could you not approach someone for help to ease your financial situation? And, why would you want to go through all this trouble for an ex-boyfriend?

Your relationship has already ended and you are under no obligation to help him, least of all steal for him. From your letter, it sounds like you are disappointed that he has left you again. Did you expect him to want to patch up the relationship if he knew that you were helping him?

You are now left with a huge debt and fears of being arrested. Well, stealing is a crime and it will be no surprise if your former boss lodges a report against you. You did it before and knew it was wrong. And then, you went and did it again. Why should he believe you when you make promises to him now?

But, looking at the situation, it does not seem likely that your ex-boss will call in the police now. He knew you stole the money. If he had wanted to have you arrested he would have sent the police to your workplace by now. The fact that he called you in and is allowing you time to pay him back indicates that having you arrested you is not his intention.

You have promised to pay him back. I hope you do. I also hope that you have learnt a very important lesson and will not steal anymore. You have to learn to trust people and ask for help when you need it. Surely someone will be able to be of some help to you.

Another lesson I hope you have learnt is about your ex-boyfriend. It is over. If you want to rekindle your relationship with him, asking him to talk things over is a better way to go about it than stealing.

Besides, he has left you high and dry. You were there when he wanted help, but he is nowhere to be seen now that you are in a spot of trouble. I think it should be clear that you are better off without him.