I'VE been feeling a kink all week, in my right shoulder that is; and my big toe on my left foot has only just regained its mobility.

Both ailments resulted from injuries I sustained when I was out clubbing last weekend.

Alas, there was no drunken bar brawl that I can claim participant to. Instead, I was a victim of bump-and-bagged and stiletto-stubbed - two misdemeanours that happen frequently in crowded clubs and on crowded dance floors.

The perpetrators are usually young women in an inebriated state, who have no sense of spacial awareness. Kinda like gawky newborn giraffes with knobbly knees, who navigate the club floors in zig-zag fashion. They are always armed with some big handbag and wear killer pumps (three and a half inch stiletto spikes at least).

Their modus operandi is typical: they clumsily bump into a poor, unsuspecting victim, and their bags hit them in the eye, back, head - hence the bump-and-bagged moniker - or they heavy-foot you with their stilettos.

The unfortunate thing is that this can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, and without provocation. Well, enough is enough. People should pay attention to club etiquette. That means not sticking your big handbag into my face, or your stiletto into my friend's foot.

While I love the fact that more people are again dressing up when they hit nightspots, you do need to decide whether you're going to be a poseur for the night or a dancer. There's nothing wrong with being a poseur. Hey, some nights, the music isn't all that fab. You're better off clinking champagne flutes, showing off your Prada dress, Louboutin pumps or Chanel 2.55 handbags.

But if you want to be seen dancing, be mindful not to get into someone else's space.

Ladies, if you want to carry a bag, keep it tiny and unobtrusive. A small slingbag, clutch or wristlet are all ideal options. I love my petite Fendi Baguette handbag for that reason. It fits everything I need: wallet, phone, compact, gloss, keys and even a pretty fan. Small enough to keep it tucked under your arm.

If you insist on carrying an oversize carrier or tote to the clubs, do everyone a favour and bag check it at the counter before you show off your fancy moves.

Heel of grace

It's a misconception, too, that girls must be in heels to be seen as sexy when they go clubbing - there is no such rule. It's only hot if you can still manage a sexy strut in three inch heels (or more) when you're tipsy.

But a girl that's tripping over her feet and puncturing holes into a boy's loafers has as about much grace as a platypus. A guy pal shared that he lost interest in a date by her third drink. 'Up till that point, she was sexy in her heels. As the alcohol kicked in, she kept bumping into people. Then she tripped, sank her stiletto into my last toe, and spilt red wine all over my cream pants,' he complained.

Far better options, especially if you're a feather-weight drinker and prone to the earth moving under your feet: ballet flats, dressy sandals or flat pumps. Comfy and stylish, you can shuffle and slide in them easily, and I dare say the odds of maintaining your dignity and balance, are far better too in flats.

Incidentally, the girl that my guy pal now sees wears nothing but pretty ballet flats that complement her chic, beatnik style, ala Audrey Hepburn. She's one of the best drinkers I know, and she never loses her footing on the dance floor.

This article was first published in The New Paper on Jan 18, 2009.