After a sex change operation at 22 and living your life as a woman for the last 31 years, imagine being told you are not yet "a complete woman" and that you still behave like a man.

You are also "definitely not pretty" and "if a man is to fall in love with you, it's probably for your money".

These are the harsh and hurtful words from her friend, Mr Jeffrey Chung, founder and owner of modelling agency Jeffrey Chung Models.

But Abigail Chay, one of Singapore's most famous transsexuals, is taking the comments positively.

The 53-year-old comedienne, entertainer and part-time English, speech and drama teacher, told The New Paper recently: "It's considered nice and kind compared to other people calling me an ah gua (Hokkien slang for sissy) before my operation...

"It doesn't matter whether anyone feels I'm pretty or not, as long as I find a man who accepts me for who I am. If people think I have money, I'm sorry, I don't. If they intend to 'cheat' me, that's part and parcel of life."

Chay, whose sex reassignment surgery and tumultuous love life was staged in a Hong Kong musical in January, admitted she was initially shocked when she heard Mr Chung's remarks, but felt he meant well.

They met earlier this year at local Internet radio station iN988, where they are guest presenters.

So to be more feminine and elegant, Chay has signed up for a personal grooming and professional modelling course organised by Mr Chung.

The eight two-hour lessons, which began on May28, cover areas such as deportment, posing for photos, skincare, make-up, hairstyling, catwalk and dining etiquette.

Said Mr Chung: "I told (Chay) it's wasted that after her sex change, everything is there but she has no charisma. Doctors can change physical attributes, but cannot change mannerisms, so this is Part Two of her sex change."

The 45-year-old thinks Chay isn't feminine enough as she sits with her legs apart and her tone is rough when she speaks.

He wants Chay to be "a real woman" who's powerful, confident, engaging and charming.

When asked if he thinks his comments will offend other transsexuals, Mr Chung said: "It definitely will upset some people, but they must look at the positive side of it.

"Unless you were born feminine and well-groomed, grooming is very important. It's different how men and women carry themselves."

Chay feels the way she walks is unfeminine and she shows too much teeth when she laughs or smiles.

She also knocks into things often and can improve on her social etiquette.

Chay added: "(What Mr Chung said) was an awakening and I felt a nudge to do something about it for my own good. I have been a woman for so many years, but I haven't been watching my manners.

"I try to be natural and don't bother with the nitty-gritty, like being feminine. I thought, normal ladies don't walk like models."

She added that she had taken a modelling class before her sex change, so what she knows about modelling is from a man's perspective.

The new her

She hopes the new her will help her snare a beau.

Chay admitted there are a few male friends she's interested in, but they have not reciprocated.

Her last romance was in 1999.

The relationship ended after three years because they didn't get along. There were also money issues and the appearance of a third party.

Chay had a few casual dates after that.

She said: "Maybe some people think I'm quite nice and sweet, but (do not like) the way I carry myself...

"If I want to find a nice partner, he would want me to be the pride of his life."

The New Paper sat in on the first lesson of the course, where Chay fell while walking in three-inch heels and carrying a heavy bag. She sustained a big bruise on her knee.

But she is determined to continue with the course and do well.

"To say that I'm not a complete woman may sound hurtful and hard. I don't have a womb to bear kids for the man I love, but the least I can do is be feminine enough to make him proud of me."

In the meantime, Chay has unveiled a series of makeover photos as part of the promotions for a pizza-making class she'll be conducting with celebrity chef Peter Neo for parents and their kids during this school holiday.

This article was first published in The New Paper.